Tag: Energy Healing

survivor (when my own soul encouraged me)

you are a survivor girl
stand up and be strong
you’ve made it
through storms of  hard times

you’ve seen bad marriages
the letdowns of dreams
but you’re still here

so it seems you can’t make it
seems you can’t see your way
but you’ve made it this far girlfriend
you survived, through it all till this day

go ahead on and be strong.
you’re a survivor because
you’ve hung in there this long.

gone girl with your bad self
only you know what you can do.

just try it.
just believe in your self.

don’t wait for somebody
to tell you that you can make it through.
you know what you’ve got to do

reach deep down inside yourself and
pull out what has been there for so long
stand up and be strong.

girl whatever it took
to make it through a bad marriage
to a drug addict and wife beater

whatever it took to make it
through abuse and rejection

whatever it took when
you were put down

lied to and talked about

but you made it through
you held your head up high
and you kept on going

girl, you can do it
all you gotta do is
stand up and be strong

believe in your self

you are a survivor girl

go ahead on

Next Level Healing (domestic violence)

I am in that sweet spot. I’m so proud of myself for being brave enough to tell me the truth. The truth has set me free and I am so happy. I know how to be happy single that has never been my problem. I love myself and enjoy my own company.

I have peace of mind and I do not stress about what is going to happen from day to day because I have trusted God to bring me this far I can certainly trust God to go on alone. At this point in my life, I am not even interested in dating. I am so happy with just me and God. I just want to be free. Don’t want to walk on eggshells or consider anyone else’s anything. Life is not that hard.

I stayed in some situations in my life way past the expiration date. The red flags were thrown early and my Pollyanna ass just stepped over the flag and said, “Let me fix you. You have never been loved by me, my love will set you free.”

Ha! Ha! Ha! Now I understand what they mean when they say “Hopeless romantic.”

I do realize that it goes much deeper than that. I have recently learned about my trauma brain and trauma bonding. This information has helped me to understand why I or anyone that has been traumatized continues to choose people who will continue to traumatize us. Knowledge is powerful in that if used it is transformative. So, I said all that to say, I am ready for the next level of healing. This time I will be dealing with the trauma of domestic violence. Last time I dealt with childhood sexual trauma and rape. Every relationship except one has been abusive in one way or another.

It angers me that I have to UNDO WHAT HAS BEEN DONE UNTO ME. But it must be done so that my traumatic DNA will not be passed on to future generations of my family. I get it now. I have made great sacrifices for my healing and my main motivation has been my family. I didn’t want my Grandchildren’s legacy to be one of trauma. I had to protect them only way I knew how. That was for me to be the example.

I had to destroy the curse of pathology and dysfunction. I had to speak up and it cost me a lot. But I would do it again. God called me to bring awareness to the devastating affects of domestic violence and mental illness. Some have said, how can you be an advocate and educator when you were in a dv relationship? I believe that my experience is what gives me the passion to help others. When we know better we do better.

I just want us to support each other in our healing. In my experience people do not know how to help a victim of Domestic violence. Some say mind your business or they keep going back they must like it.

Nothing is further from the truth. She wants to be free. She just doesn’t know how to be free. We need to help her be free.

Next Level Soul Healing

2018 is the year of Reaping all of the hard work I have put in to be better.

I will celebrate 7 years of intentionally preparing myself to serve God by walking in my purpose. God has already shown me the vision so I don’t need anyone else to agree.

The gift I used to help heal my own soul will now be used to inspire healing in other souls.

Women opened up and showed me their vulnerabilities by telling me their story. The told and then showed me how to be authentic. They taught me how to allow my words to match up with walk. They helped me take my soul to the next level of healing. If I am obedient as they have been there will souls like me that say, “Hey, If she did it, I can too.” The only difference between me and you SisStar is I made a commitment to heal at all cost. I wanted to see what the end was going to be and when I was ready the universe brought this student her teacher. I promise you the other side is beautiful. I promise. You will however, have to travel through hell to get to the other side but “Girl Get You Some Help.” Let’s do this. Each one of us can heal and change the destiny for our families forever. We have to help heal each other or we are doomed to repeat the same crap over and over. That is what a curse is, or as Iyanla would say, that is the pathology that keeps repeating in our seed.

I am not perfect. I am grateful for my imperfections. My wings are golden and I shine because other women helped me by telling their stories.

I am telling mine now. I am striving to always be the best me I can possibly be. Give your SisStar a break, give her a hug. Let her know, Sis I have not always had it all together. Let me love you through your lessons. You are beautiful and your beauty will be groomed in your struggle but I am here to remind you that you are my SisStar. Let my life be a candle to you. Letting you know that you can let yourself off the hook for things you did not even have knowledge of back then. It is called hind sight for a reason SisStar. I had to live and learn just like you. I am not trying to tell you how to heal. I just want you to trust the process so you can be whole and complete. I love you Girl. Get you some help. We are all a work in progress. Give yourself some compassion.

I approve of me

Before Therapy, I gave away my power because I did not value myself. I thought I deserved mistreatment. I constantly sought approval from those that did not deserve me.

After Therapy, I stand up for myself. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me. I set clear boundaries and have the strength and value of self to enforce them. #therapyworks

I grew up at 50 in Therapy.

Until I began therapy and parented the abused, neglected and abandoned little girl in me I was stuck playing victim.  It was truly the only role I knew how to play.  The only coping skills I actually had were the ones I had when I was raped at five.  I would hear people say to me all the time, “stop playing the victim”.  Until I worked hard to process those feelings and to unlearn bad coping skills I was doomed to behaving immaturely.

After therapy I have an understanding of self that empowers me to change.

What is the Evidence?

One therapy-tool that I use frequently is asking myself a simple question. “What is the evidence to support the thought?”
If I am dwelling on an imaged wrong it can be put to rest with a simple, “what is the evidence of that?”
In the past my abusers had a way of turning things around to make it appear that I was the one with the problem. Not anymore. I see right through the BS much quicker now.
#therapyworks #girlgetyousomehelp

Group Therapy

it is, has been and always will be the words that save us,

all of us,

any of us can be affected

by words we speak and the ones spoken to us

I love them so much

with out the words we would not be able to create new realities for ourselves

all of us are essentially the sum total of words we have thought, spoken, written or heard and seen

 

I heard some words on Sunday that changed my whole perspective

it had a ripple affect

I called my mother and our words helped us heal and reconnect,

but that phone call was the result of many words

along this journey to healing

words have taught me about myself and the world around me

words have shown me where the pathology is rooted

words have given me solutions and testimonies of others

words have inspired courage to continue working on healing

even when the words were to traumatizing to be spoken

except in the heart and mind

 

words have been gleaned from my sisters

the ones that have chosen to share this part of our journey together

we have spoken the words that have healed and supported

our words have been used to say “I feel you sister”

sometimes those words were spoken with a nod of the head

or a look in the eyes with tears as the only evidence of words

that say, I understand

 

I will miss my sisters, we have changed together right here in this room

thank you for using your words to help me grow, heal and know I am never alone

there are women who really understand my pain and that heals us all on a lot of levels

let us please continue to use our word to heal

I have been in group therapy since January for childhood sexual abuse.  We have only a couple of weeks left.  It has been nothing less than grueling WORK.  I am blessed to be a part of a group of women sincerely dedicated to healing and moving on to inspire others to heal.

I will miss us and the place we shared the deepest parts of ourselves that had been buried.  I am grateful for the safe place at the YWCA Women’s Resource Center.  I cant find the words to express my appreciation for the support and guidance received at the center not just from my individual therapist but also for my group therapy facilitator.  The biggest contribution to my personal healing though, are the women who were brave and courageous enough to share their words with me through telling their painful  stories and their deliberate commitment to healing.

It has been worth it, we are better.  We did it and it is one of the most loving things we have done for ourselves and those that are watching and cheering us on so they can believe in the trans-formative power of Understanding self.

In The Arms Of My Angel

I don’t care what anybody ever tells you.

it is the human touch that heals the soul

it is the yearning and craving of touch

that causes us to seek a crutch

I don’t know about you

but honestly

I have those days

when no matter the waves of sunshine

brought by compliments of others

it is still for me and always will be

the arms of someone who loves me

willing to hold

until my tears bring relief

as I struggle to be whole

I’m not there yet and I can’t afford

to give away my goodness before I know

if you are the one that will hold me

as I repair my soul

please my sweet angel

come hold me so my soul can fly higher

9.24.13 mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Healing is a process and I have stopped forcing the memories back into my subconscious.  I am optimistic about my healing, but the truth of it is.  I have to cry, I have to remember and that is not easy.  Doing it alone sometimes makes me sad because I endured it alone.  But, I am comforted by my Angels’ constant presence.  In those moments when I feel most alone.  I sense my Angel holding me and wiping my tears.  She tells me that this will pass and on the other side is relief.  She has not lied to me yet.  Tears release endorphin’s that make us feel better.  I am going to keep moving forward.  There is no stopping me now~

 

Womb

I am ready for the next level of healing. The one where I embrace who I am. The one where I am empowered with the knowledge of self. That means I can and will keep changing. I am inspired by my story. I accept my purpose with humility because to whom much is given, much is required.

I wont abandon me. (ptsd)

If y’all remember, I had to stop editing my book because of the memories and flash backs I encountered.  It was very puzzling to me that this was happening to me now.  I have worked on this book in some form for the last 12 years. So I wondered, why now?

I immediately found a therapist to help me cope and process the feelings that seemed so over whelming.

Along with the flashbacks and memories came intense emotions.  I would resist the feelings.  I would find distractions so I did not have to experience this stuff.  I had some events happen in my life that triggered my mind and body to relive one of the most traumatic experiences that happened when I was five.  I had not dealt with this in therapy because I had forgiven the people involved.

I learned I still have to process the emotions that are buried in my psyche.  Now is the time my body and mind have chosen to deal with this at this time in my life the only thing I have focus on is myself.  No more hiding behind children and spouses I am ready to create and reveal the life I deserve.

I am at a place where I can move forward to complete this book.  I am still in therapy dealing with my abandonment issues and working diligently to find  peace with the memories.  I am going to start a new page as I go through the process of dealing with these issues and how they have showed up in my behavior and my relationships.

I am striving towards healing to allow me to have more healthy relationships.  It is not something that can be dealt with quickly because i have learned that the mind will bring these memories and flashbacks to surface when i am ready to deal with them.  As i have learned the hard way, if i don’t deal with the feelings they will deal with me.

As i continue on my journey to healing and mental health and stability hopefully someone will be encouraged to start their own healing.

I promise the little girl in my that I will not abandon her and will stay with her for as long as it takes to learn how to live with PTSD.

Thank you for going on this journey of my soul with me.

 

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