A letter to survivors

Originally posted on Girl Get You Some Help:
If you had told me that I would I be living this free two years ago, I would not have believed you. Two years ago, events happened that triggered my healing. I have post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is a result of surviving childhood sexual abuse, abandonment, neglect, and rape before the age of five. Five is the age of the first rape memory at the hands of my mothers’ boyfriend. Writing saved my life. Words were my saviors. This is why I am compelled to tell my story. I do not tell it to gain pity or fame. I tell it because I was born to tell it. So I tell. Everywhere I go I tell. I want to tell my story of PTSD because most of us do not know what that looks like on an African American girl or woman. The number is many but until we start talking about…

Holding on to Happy

Before Therapy I would go into a severe depression when I felt that I had disappointed someone.  Some selfish person would try and guilt trip me into seeing things their way for what ever reason.  I would not speak up. I would dwell on the experience.  I felt bad because they told me I should feel bad. I would fill my mind with negative thoughts and spiral into a deep depression.  The guilt tripper would not even know the amount of damage or the effect of my self inflicted abuse.  I just could not cope with knowing someone was not pleased with me and go out of my way to either avoid that person or find a way to mend the energy between us. After therapy I realize the best way to cope is to do what is right for me.  I can deal with the disappointment of others about me not doing what they see as best.  I can

read more Holding on to Happy

A mother’s thoughts on father’s day “the truth”

It is time to tell the truth.  As a man, a father and a husband you failed all of us.  As your wife you mistreated me, devalued me and abused me physically, financially and psychologically.  As your wife I laid down my life and entire body for your pleasure and happiness.  I literally gave you my soul trying to get you to give me what I rightfully deserved because I was your wife.  the minute you realized that I was waking up to your mistreatment you went into over drive to destroy me. You vowed to honor, cherish and protect me and you did none of these things. During my time living with you I was made to feel dispensable.  I gave you children by actually abusing my body with injections from hormones and going under the knife of three surgeries.  I poured everything of me into you, the children, the home and the community.  When I became aware of

read more A mother’s thoughts on father’s day “the truth”

What is the Evidence?

One therapy-tool that I use frequently is asking myself a simple question. “What is the evidence to support the thought?” If I am dwelling on an imaged wrong it can be put to rest with a simple, “what is the evidence of that?” In the past my abusers had a way of turning things around to make it appear that I was the one with the problem. Not anymore. I see right through the BS much quicker now. #therapyworks #getyousome

Group Therapy

it is, has been and always will be the words that save us, all of us, any of us can be affected by words we speak and the ones spoken to us I love them so much with out the words we would not be able to create new realities for ourselves all of us are essentially the sum total of words we have thought, spoken, written or heard and seen   I heard some words on Sunday that changed my whole perspective it had a ripple affect I called my mother and our words helped us heal and reconnect, but that phone call was the result of many words along this journey to healing words have taught me about myself and the world around me words have shown me where the pathology is rooted words have given me solutions and testimonies of others words have inspired courage to continue working on healing even when the words were to traumatizing

read more Group Therapy

It is healing time

I have taken the time to be still.  In the silence I commune with God.  My love for self-motivates me to take my healing to the next level.  I am not afraid.  I have lived all these years in a prison of fear and now that I have an opportunity to be free, I am going to choose Love.  I am reminded of the words from that old gospel song “I have come to far from where I started from.  Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don’t believe “She” brought me this far to leave me.” I have worked hard and it really is showing.  I hear it from those that know and love me that they see a definite change for the better in how I show up in the world now.  I feel better.  My therapist has helped me navigate through things I thought I would never be able to do, but I

read more It is healing time

A writers need for Solitude

I just need to clear my head of the demons tormenting me with sounds of past nightmares and present day real or imagined harm I am full ready to pop don’t want to drop all my cares at every stop need to breathe, to see me I am blinded by everyone else s importunities craving aloneness the only way I know to reach the part of me that is free and filled with possibility I just want to be unbound in my mind the only sanctuary to hide until I can cope with difficulties outside of me to have peace I have to touch the part of GOD that resides inside me can’t be found out there I know it is hard to understand the only way I know to get what I need to deal with issues blinding me from what it is I am silence is golden solitude is good for the soul it is a spiritual thing

read more A writers need for Solitude