Emerging Beautifully Free

Emerging Beautifully Free
Your mother is the closet person to you. Her heart beat is your rhythm. Her blood flowed through your veins or you would not be here.
Even on a cellular level it is mama’s womb that cradled us and the umbilical cord was our life line. Energetically no one will ever be as connected to us as our mama, even if we have never been in her presence after birth.

I feel closer to my mother than I ever have. She exists in the very fiber of my being.
She has transitioned and I am transitioning. I am now the Matriarch. I am the oldest in my generation. My mother was the last of her generation. My soul is grieving what was, a letting go is happening to make room for the new that transition brings.
I am growing and a change is occurring. Wisdom is being earned. Swinging between gratefulness and grief is exhausting but I am not rushing the process because everything is beautiful. It is in the darkness that life is created.
Like a butterfly we emerge from the darkness freely beautiful.

Mother I See You In Me (wrote before her transition)

Mother I See You In Me  (wrote before her transition)

I couldn’t have been more than three

and you were teaching me the abc’s

you would tell me to say the letter U

I would say “me”, you would say no, say U

I would say “Yvette”, then you would laugh at me

I remember you said my eyes made me look Chinese

our relationship has been tumultuous, hateful at it’s worst

but it has been worth it

I look at you and see so much of myself

my strength, my courage, my loving ways

even my own disappointments I sometimes see on your face

my creativity and love for words

my ability to make something out of nothing

to strut my stuff with style without a nickel in my pocket

I press on and hold my head high

that is what I have seen you do all of your life

I want you to know I am so proud of you

I see what you’ve been through

let me say that again

I see what you’ve been through

it made you bend but not break

it amazes me how you are still smiling and laughing

with such beautiful hues

in all of us lives the essence of you

I see you, the kind, generous woman

the I don’t take no mess woman

the sweet, loving but I am going to still tell you about yourself woman

who did her best with what she had woman

I see the wonderful woman

I am so glad you are still alive

we can sit here together and count our blessings

and be grateful to God that we did not have to feel this standing at a grave

I want you know I really love you, thank you for being my mother

we have overcome a legacy of hate

the curse has been broken, our ancestors celebrate

we both have the strength of Mamie and the wisdom of Bertha

the generations after us will be built on love

of that I am certain

Your daughter

Yvette Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

11/26/2008

Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

Spiritual not Religious

Spiritual not Religious

There are many teachers. I don’t want to be narrowed minded and put God in a box that I created according to my understanding. That is arrogance in its truest form. None know the mind of God really. We only know what our finite intelligence allows.

I believe that we can know God through the experience of transformation. Other beliefs also bring about transformation. Words have power, period.

I am spiritual.

Universal Knowledge is infinite. So, the best I can do is seek understanding for myself.

My understanding that I have gotten from more than one spiritual teacher is Love is God and God is Love.

God is all good. If it isn’t good it isn’t God. That is enough understanding for me.

I have studied the Bible and found the energy, wisdom and words transforming, but there are other spiritual teachings that also lead us to transformation. This demands my respect for the belief of others.

For me it really is very simple.

I don’t believe God expects me to take all the words of the bible literally. I have studied the bible and have my own perspective. You may have a unique perspective and that is okay and welcomed. God is good like that.

To me, the most important message that I as a disciple of Jesus received is summed up by these words:

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”,  Jesus said.

My religion is Love plain and simple. I cannot say that I love God but do not Love you.

I love you.

It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17