Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

Spiritual not Religious

Spiritual not Religious

There are many teachers. I don’t want to be narrowed minded and put God in a box that I created according to my understanding. That is arrogance in its truest form. None know the mind of God really. We only know what our finite intelligence allows.

I believe that we can know God through the experience of transformation. Other beliefs also bring about transformation. Words have power, period.

I am spiritual.

Universal Knowledge is infinite. So, the best I can do is seek understanding for myself.

My understanding that I have gotten from more than one spiritual teacher is Love is God and God is Love.

God is all good. If it isn’t good it isn’t God. That is enough understanding for me.

I have studied the Bible and found the energy, wisdom and words transforming, but there are other spiritual teachings that also lead us to transformation. This demands my respect for the belief of others.

For me it really is very simple.

I don’t believe God expects me to take all the words of the bible literally. I have studied the bible and have my own perspective. You may have a unique perspective and that is okay and welcomed. God is good like that.

To me, the most important message that I as a disciple of Jesus received is summed up by these words:

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”,  Jesus said.

My religion is Love plain and simple. I cannot say that I love God but do not Love you.

I love you.

It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17

 

 

Sweet KARMA

Sweet KARMA

Sweet KARMA

Karma is not a bitch.  Karma is sweet.  Karma is fair.

She will give you what you deserve

and about your feelings she doesn’t care.

She will pay you in love,

If that is what you reap.

sowing seeds of love and positivity

will keep you out of the path of Karma’s negative proclivity.

Karma will be your friend,

until you make her your enemy.

Whether you acknowledge her or not

she will bite that ass no doubt

it is an absolute guarantee.

See, me and Karma go way back

to a time when I did not know

or respect

her affect.

I finally woke up when my love debt was past due.

I had burned too many bridges,

so, a reckoning with Karma I had to do

that changed my views.

Everyone will get what they are due.

No matter your hue.

Now,

I love every day my very best,

I am reaping love in abundance cause I let go of judgments,

no more right or wrong.

I am living the moments of my life’s song

I have created a life in love for myself,

my journey is filled with valley blessings.

I am receiving my wealth of love that Karma has dispensed.

by Mozayik “the souls’ poet” © 61917

Happy, the Gift to Self

Happy, the Gift to Self
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After Therapy

Happiness is not just a word in a far away place

somewhere in no one’s land

happiness now makes perfect sense

it is a state for which we are meant live

from moment to moment

happiness resides now in my soul

it lives in all the little nooks and crannies

cut by all my broken pieces

mozayik is now whole

and the masterpiece

is bright,

colorful

trimmed in gold

in the places where trauma left it’s hole

happiness lives and dances in all of my dreams

all of my expectations are of happy everything

I swear I never thought i could exist

in a state of happiness

from moment to moment

I am not going to lie

there are moments when memories make me sad

but I now know how to not let the moments last

I honor and acknowledge my soul’s brave journey

if tears are in order I respectfully cry

but even with the memories I will be alright

cause I know that I now live in the light

that I can intentionally share

I am not looking for anything out there

because healing has brought me to knowing my own worth

I truly love me and am okay with self

it feels wonderful to just be and breath in peace

knowing that happiness is always available to me

and now I don’t have drudge through shit to see

that if I live moment to moment happiness is free

it is a  gift that I give freely to me

mozayik “the souls’ poet”

111th post (the demons are dead)

111th post  (the demons are dead)

 

Anybody that knows even the very basic about me knows that 11 is my number. I actually started seeing 11’s everywhere in 2011.  On any clock anywhere I would see 1111 or 111 a.m and p.m. I would see it  on the most random items like what time someone called me or how  long the message was they left on voice mail.  It got to the point it spooked me and I did my due diligence research.  I found out so many interesting facts about the number 11.  According to Numerology I am an 11.

I said all that to say how cool is that?  I sat down to create a new post and happen to notice that this is my 111th post.

I take this as a tap on the shoulder from the Universe that I am on the right path.  I see it as God smiling on me.  I feel connected to the all.  The energetic power to create your version of happiness.  The energy in our soul placed there and filled with desire by God.  Bliss is finding your purpose and fulfilling it.  There is a huge reward for killing your demons in therapy.

My soul chose this path to heal itself.  With that being my belief there is no room for regret.  I follow the urging of my soul.  Some call it intuition or “a gut feeling” or maybe even God speaking.  We cant really explain it but it usually serves our highest good if we follow.

So on today as I reflect on all this blog has allowed me to accomplish it get chills as I realize just how far I have come and that my readers and followers have taken this journey to healing with me.

When I started this blog I could not finish my book because the poetry was so triggering and would cause a decline in my mental health that usually landed me in the hospital.  I look through the archives and see that the journey was long and hard but my perseverance, resilience and passionate commitment to heal lead me through.

Now I am able to share my story without the tears, heartache, triggers and flashbacks.  This is what healing looks like.  I am a success story so that other women can see that if I can do it they can too.  The same God that blessed me and carried me through the worst will do the same for them also.

There were days when the grief was all consuming and it seemed it would never end.  Anger was the river of blood I swam in because it was unfair that the victim had to fix herself.  But as I remember how horrific remembering is I remember how the emotions were devastating because it is reliving it again and sometimes over and over until the feelings don’t dont have the same meaning.  Healing is painful and it takes a lot of courage but the other side is so worth it.

To be able to help other women and men be inspired enough to do the work necessary to be free is my life’s purpose.  I say work because I don’t want to sugar coat it.  It fucking sucks that you have to undo what has been done unto to you.

But when I look at it from a holistic spiritual perspective and believe that there really is a purpose for all of this pain.  There is sunshine after the rain.

Mozayik “the souls’ poet”