A Mother 20/20 hindsight

I called my mother by her first name my entire life. I can’t remember if I ever called her mother, mommy or mama. We struggled until the day she died with forgiveness. I thought had forgiven her because I tried to be a good daughter, my efforts came with a huge sacrifice of my own wellbeing. I won’t go into detail about our relationship.

I am writing this to honor my mother and all mothers everywhere. The mother’s trying to mother but do not know how. The mothers that have sacrificed their own souls seeking love. The mothers that abandoned because they were abandoned. The loving mother’s trying to protect and keep the children out of harm’s way. Even if the way is herself.

Our mothers are human beings with faults unique to their purpose.  We judge them based on our denial of our own imperfections. All humans are all uniquely fitted specifically for the journey we are on.  Lately my mother, my daughter’s journey’s as mothers and all mothers have been on my mind.

No matter what any mother has not done for the fruit of her womb, all human beings are worthy of love and the opportunity to heal.

Love is the salve for the women who could not birth but still mothered.

There are a lot of myths attached to motherhood. Recently I had to revisit how I felt about my mother. Healing is a process that brings with each level new insights.

I truly believe our souls choose the specific circumstances needed to evolve to the next level of healing and to fulfill purpose.

I am sure my testimony and my transparency have saved lives. Most importantly though, the healing of my family’s soul has been taken to another level. Some strongholds have been destroyed through the healing I have done and will continue to do. There is still work to be done. My children are doing the work required for their generation.

As I reflect on my relationship with my mother, I pray her soul will find more peace and healing in the next lifetime. I am doing what she could not. My daughters are aware and open to therapy. They are actively doing what I did not start to do until the age of 50.

I am alive to teach my grandchildren about breathing, meditation, and honoring the God residing in their souls since the day they were born.  I am teaching them about the importance of honoring their ancestors. It is vitally important they know where they came from and the enormous possibilities of where they can go.

I am the Matriarch. My responsibility is to leave my family in a better place spiritually by breaking the chains of generational dysfunction with love and knowledge of who they are.

There is a peace I have this Mother’s Day that I have never had.

A lot of something bad happened to my mother. Her entire life she was mistreated. I personally know of a rape that happened to her at the age of 9. She was treated like the black sheep, the outcast, the crazy one, the little fast tail girl.

I believe they were just not aware of mental health issues and how to help her. I don’t excuse them; I just understand that I am blessed with access to the world wide web.

I had the knowledge and support to change. I decided to change. I did the work and am yet doing the work to change.

This is for all the mothers, especially the mothers that are raising my grandchildren. Their shiny intelligence is being nurtured with love by these beautiful women. All with their unique journeys that include the little souls that chose them as their mothers.

I witness progress and healing in our family because of the loving energy of my beautiful daughters from my womb and my daughters in love. All are phenomenal women. Every one of them is a great mother in my eyes and heart. The proof of the healing of our ancestors is evident in my grandchildren’s accomplishments, the innocence seen in their eyes, and the kind hearts that their parents, my children have nurtured.

This is my legacy.

A Mother