Quit acting like a bitch

Quit acting like a bitch

As a woman every time I hear the remark, “You are acting like a girl/bitch”, it stings. It, to me, is saying there is something wrong in being female, feminine or a girl. It is a total put down. The remark is to say you are less than or you did not measure up.

It hurts 10x more when it comes out of the mouth of women when speaking about other women. Even if it is spoken to a man or boy it still insinuates that there is something wrong with femininity.

As a lesbian I don’t want to be in a relationship with another woman that treats me or speaks about me in a derogatory way just because she is more comfortable from a masculine center. It hurts because it stigmatizes femininity. It down grades the energy that keeps life going.

We are not given the honor and respect we deserve as women. Maybe that is why my grandmothers had no men around. They stood up for themselves and did not allow men to dictate what they could or could not do. They were home owners without men. Strong women raised me and made me the strong woman that I am. I never saw them give up.

They did not rely on men to do anything.

My grandmother and I built everything from scratch. We planted large gardens, planted bushes and built a big dog pen with metal posts supported with concrete and a wire link fence with a gate. We built our back steps and installed sink faucets, and whatever was needed we did it ourselves.

So for me to consider being less than or weaker because I am a woman is foreign to me.

I was raised to be what they now are calling an Alpha female. I want a partner in life but I don’t need one to thrive and be happy.

The self worth gained after therapy is enough to motivate me to be my best self. I have a lot to offer the world with the years I have left. I have been preparing myself to serve so that women will see my example and be inspired to transform their own lives.

We are not bitches and there is nothing wrong with being empathetic and kind. Tears have a purpose and emotions serve as our teachers. All human beings have emotions but left unchecked or unacknowledged they will handle us.



Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

Spiritual not Religious

Spiritual not Religious

There are many teachers. I don’t want to be narrowed minded and put God in a box that I created according to my understanding. That is arrogance in its truest form. None know the mind of God really. We only know what our finite intelligence allows.

I believe that we can know God through the experience of transformation. Other beliefs also bring about transformation. Words have power, period.

I am spiritual.

Universal Knowledge is infinite. So, the best I can do is seek understanding for myself.

My understanding that I have gotten from more than one spiritual teacher is Love is God and God is Love.

God is all good. If it isn’t good it isn’t God. That is enough understanding for me.

I have studied the Bible and found the energy, wisdom and words transforming, but there are other spiritual teachings that also lead us to transformation. This demands my respect for the belief of others.

For me it really is very simple.

I don’t believe God expects me to take all the words of the bible literally. I have studied the bible and have my own perspective. You may have a unique perspective and that is okay and welcomed. God is good like that.

To me, the most important message that I as a disciple of Jesus received is summed up by these words:

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”,  Jesus said.

My religion is Love plain and simple. I cannot say that I love God but do not Love you.

I love you.

It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 


Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”