Emerging Beautifully Free

Emerging Beautifully Free
Your mother is the closet person to you. Her heart beat is your rhythm. Her blood flowed through your veins or you would not be here.
Even on a cellular level it is mama’s womb that cradled us and the umbilical cord was our life line. Energetically no one will ever be as connected to us as our mama, even if we have never been in her presence after birth.

I feel closer to my mother than I ever have. She exists in the very fiber of my being.
She has transitioned and I am transitioning. I am now the Matriarch. I am the oldest in my generation. My mother was the last of her generation. My soul is grieving what was, a letting go is happening to make room for the new that transition brings.
I am growing and a change is occurring. Wisdom is being earned. Swinging between gratefulness and grief is exhausting but I am not rushing the process because everything is beautiful. It is in the darkness that life is created.
Like a butterfly we emerge from the darkness freely beautiful.

Mother I See You In Me (wrote before her transition)

Mother I See You In Me  (wrote before her transition)

I couldn’t have been more than three

and you were teaching me the abc’s

you would tell me to say the letter U

I would say “me”, you would say no, say U

I would say “Yvette”, then you would laugh at me

I remember you said my eyes made me look Chinese

our relationship has been tumultuous, hateful at it’s worst

but it has been worth it

I look at you and see so much of myself

my strength, my courage, my loving ways

even my own disappointments I sometimes see on your face

my creativity and love for words

my ability to make something out of nothing

to strut my stuff with style without a nickel in my pocket

I press on and hold my head high

that is what I have seen you do all of your life

I want you to know I am so proud of you

I see what you’ve been through

let me say that again

I see what you’ve been through

it made you bend but not break

it amazes me how you are still smiling and laughing

with such beautiful hues

in all of us lives the essence of you

I see you, the kind, generous woman

the I don’t take no mess woman

the sweet, loving but I am going to still tell you about yourself woman

who did her best with what she had woman

I see the wonderful woman

I am so glad you are still alive

we can sit here together and count our blessings

and be grateful to God that we did not have to feel this standing at a grave

I want you know I really love you, thank you for being my mother

we have overcome a legacy of hate

the curse has been broken, our ancestors celebrate

we both have the strength of Mamie and the wisdom of Bertha

the generations after us will be built on love

of that I am certain

Your daughter

Yvette Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

11/26/2008

Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

Spiritual not Religious

Spiritual not Religious

There are many teachers. I don’t want to be narrowed minded and put God in a box that I created according to my understanding. That is arrogance in its truest form. None know the mind of God really. We only know what our finite intelligence allows.

I believe that we can know God through the experience of transformation. Other beliefs also bring about transformation. Words have power, period.

I am spiritual.

Universal Knowledge is infinite. So, the best I can do is seek understanding for myself.

My understanding that I have gotten from more than one spiritual teacher is Love is God and God is Love.

God is all good. If it isn’t good it isn’t God. That is enough understanding for me.

I have studied the Bible and found the energy, wisdom and words transforming, but there are other spiritual teachings that also lead us to transformation. This demands my respect for the belief of others.

For me it really is very simple.

I don’t believe God expects me to take all the words of the bible literally. I have studied the bible and have my own perspective. You may have a unique perspective and that is okay and welcomed. God is good like that.

To me, the most important message that I as a disciple of Jesus received is summed up by these words:

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”,  Jesus said.

My religion is Love plain and simple. I cannot say that I love God but do not Love you.

I love you.

Happy, the Gift to Self

Happy, the Gift to Self
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After Therapy

Happiness is not just a word in a far away place

somewhere in no one’s land

happiness now makes perfect sense

it is a state for which we are meant live

from moment to moment

happiness resides now in my soul

it lives in all the little nooks and crannies

cut by all my broken pieces

mozayik is now whole

and the masterpiece

is bright,

colorful

trimmed in gold

in the places where trauma left it’s hole

happiness lives and dances in all of my dreams

all of my expectations are of happy everything

I swear I never thought i could exist

in a state of happiness

from moment to moment

I am not going to lie

there are moments when memories make me sad

but I now know how to not let the moments last

I honor and acknowledge my soul’s brave journey

if tears are in order I respectfully cry

but even with the memories I will be alright

cause I know that I now live in the light

that I can intentionally share

I am not looking for anything out there

because healing has brought me to knowing my own worth

I truly love me and am okay with self

it feels wonderful to just be and breath in peace

knowing that happiness is always available to me

and now I don’t have drudge through shit to see

that if I live moment to moment happiness is free

it is a  gift that I give freely to me

mozayik “the souls’ poet”