Mother I See You In Me (wrote before her transition)

Mother I See You In Me  (wrote before her transition)

I couldn’t have been more than three

and you were teaching me the abc’s

you would tell me to say the letter U

I would say “me”, you would say no, say U

I would say “Yvette”, then you would laugh at me

I remember you said my eyes made me look Chinese

our relationship has been tumultuous, hateful at it’s worst

but it has been worth it

I look at you and see so much of myself

my strength, my courage, my loving ways

even my own disappointments I sometimes see on your face

my creativity and love for words

my ability to make something out of nothing

to strut my stuff with style without a nickel in my pocket

I press on and hold my head high

that is what I have seen you do all of your life

I want you to know I am so proud of you

I see what you’ve been through

let me say that again

I see what you’ve been through

it made you bend but not break

it amazes me how you are still smiling and laughing

with such beautiful hues

in all of us lives the essence of you

I see you, the kind, generous woman

the I don’t take no mess woman

the sweet, loving but I am going to still tell you about yourself woman

who did her best with what she had woman

I see the wonderful woman

I am so glad you are still alive

we can sit here together and count our blessings

and be grateful to God that we did not have to feel this standing at a grave

I want you know I really love you, thank you for being my mother

we have overcome a legacy of hate

the curse has been broken, our ancestors celebrate

we both have the strength of Mamie and the wisdom of Bertha

the generations after us will be built on love

of that I am certain

Your daughter

Yvette Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

11/26/2008

Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17

 

 

Graduation Pictures

Graduation Pictures

I moved to Phoenix Arizona in March of 2016. I found the Fresh Start Women’s Foundation .

I graduated from their Small Business Start Up Certificate Program on May 12th. Professors from Paradise Valley Community College sacrificed their time and energy to teach us every Saturday morning from 9:30-2:00. I did not miss one Saturday from September to May.

My book The Souls’ Poetry is the catalyst for my Business The Souls’ Poetry LLC where my mission is “To Lead Women in the LGBTQI community to commit to and complete therapy.”  The Souls’ Poetry

No one is talking about the violence that women do to other women in their relationships. I want to start the conversation about how to heal so that we have more healthy interactions.

I now have a GREAT Professional Business Plan. Next step of my strategy is to get licensed to do business. My focus will be to use writing and poetry workshops to help women to give voice to the pain endured from DV (domestic violence) and IPV (intimate partner violence) that may have resulted in PTSD. There is a severe lack of education behind the walls of shelters for domestic violence about PTSD. I want to use these workshops to get the information out there about the different types of abuse, provide resources and peer support. All of this takes money so pray for me that all will be provided.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world so my long term goal is to have an organization that supports Mothers that have mental illness.

My book is soon to be published. Anyone that has self published a book or started a small business understands the tedious process. I am encouraged because I am much closer now thanks to all of the support I have received mostly from women.

Life after therapy is wonderful. I never knew I could be so happy and accomplish so much. I’m not whole if my SisStar isn’t whole. Your healing is my healing. #GirlGetYouSomeHelp

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Safe Alone

Safe Alone

when i am alone freedom caresses me

i can hold my head back

and think and be whatever i dam well please

thing is

i can be alone even in the sea

of distractions that taunt

beckoning

seducing

waving pseudo liberty

just upon the precibus

of free true healing

perseverance wielding

resilient survivor

healed by the power of knowledge

it is in me i find safety

alone

still healing

but yet free