It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17

 

 

Before and After Therapy 

Before and After Therapy 

Practice makes perfect is a true statement or at the very least practice makes better. Before therapy most of my thoughts were negative. I beat up on myself thinking things like “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again?”, “What is the point? I might as well just end it, nobody cares anyway. ” Then I would slide down the slippery slope of depression. I knew if I did not ask for help I would commit suicide. This always ended with a hospital stay of at least 3 days or 72 hours. The skills needed to climb out of the pits of hellish depression were not yet in my possession.

Now, though,  I have an arsenal of tools to prevent the stumble and fall. I stumble but it doesn’t mean the same. Learning and honing coping skills is the super power of therapy.  I stay elevated mentally with out any medication. Stability has been obtained due to  the hard work done for the sake of healing. I had to face the fear that I would lose my mind if I allowed the trapped emotions to rise in an effort to be released.

Not being able to bear constant pain any longer convinced me to commit to the try. Life or death urgency was the strength of this try.  My grandmother always said, “Nothing beats a failure but a try.”  Pain was the biggest motivator forcing me to address it or die.

Losing my mind was the benefit of letting go. I reprogrammed, rewired, and regenerated pathways in my brain.  The default now is happy.

After therapy and years of determination to practice what was learned in therapy, it is rare to have a negative thought about myself.  Replacing it with the truth comes easy.  Because I believe these truths:  I am amazing. I am strong. I am fearless. God is with me. No matter what happens it will be alright. Before therapy I couldn’t even trust my own mind.

After therapy I have no doubt in my ability to make sure I have what I need. God has smiled on me so many times that my faith and trust are unshakable.

Holding on to happy Is easy to do after therapy. 

I am literally loving the skin I am in. I have self-worth. There was a time in my life when I did not know what self-love felt like. After therapy I understand how to keep loving myself no matter the circumstances.   There have been  times in my life recently when I’ve been challenged to be who I say I am.

Before therapy I thought I really  trusted God,  and I did, according to my life experiences at that point in life.  I had to learn how to rely on the God in me. Because I am made in the image of God. I  have the God-given attribute to speak things into existence. God gave that attribute to all of us. I have experienced creating my desires with the words I have spoken. Before therapy I didn’t have the ability to trust anyone not even myself. I took personal what happened to me as a child.

After therapy I realize that I am able to take care of me and to protect myself. What happened in the past had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be caught in someone else’s hell or those were the circumstances my soul chose for my purpose in this lifetime.

I have been in   codependent relationships that relied on me being disabled in sort of way,  be it physical or psychological. We were both needy and dependant. It was not healthy because it enabled dysfunction.

My faith in God is strengthened after therapy.  I know God will provide me with the power to change the parts of my personality that do not serve me well. I am a work in progress and every day I am provided with opportunities to be better than the day before.  I have  self-worth. I know what I bring to the table of love. My spot in the Universe is important. I have confidence in my ABILITY to manifest the vision God has given me for my life. 

After therapy I still stumble and on occasion fall down but the difference is I don’t sit in it, or feel sorry for myself. I search for the Silver Lining my grandmother Mamie J Coopwood taught me could be found inside every cloud. The lesson gleaned provides the springboard to change. She also taught me that Practice makes perfect. So I believe without a doubt that the tools I practiced in  therapy will continue to provide support out in the REAL WORLD.   I am better today than yesterday but not as good as I will be tomorrow. I am grateful for God’s Grace and Mercy. Holding on to Happy is easy to do after therapy.