I approve of me

Before Therapy, I gave away my power because I did not value myself. I thought I deserved mistreatment. I constantly sought approval from those that did not deserve me. After Therapy, I stand up for myself. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me. I set clear boundaries and have the strength and value of self to enforce them. #therapyworks

What is the Evidence?

One therapy-tool that I use frequently is asking myself a simple question. “What is the evidence to support the thought?” If I am dwelling on an imaged wrong it can be put to rest with a simple, “what is the evidence of that?” In the past my abusers had a way of turning things around to make it appear that I was the one with the problem. Not anymore. I see right through the BS much quicker now. #therapyworks #getyousome

Celebrate with me but, Please no Pity

Celebrate with me my healing.  Pity has not served me well.  I am done with pity parties. I tell my story so that some woman, girl, boy or man can believe they can heal.  I tell it so someone can know that their pain does not define who they can become.  I tell it so that my soul can no longer be in bondage to the secrets and shame.  I tell my story to show you can overcome tragedy and triumph.  I want others to feel empowered to tell their stories in hopes that we can save lives.  Secrets kill and I want to live. Related articles Window 289 – Self pity (awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com)  

Emotional Boundaries? Girl,I am doing my work!

It has been a while since my last post. I have been putting my mental and physical health first. I seek to be whole. I am ready for truth. I await my teachers. Bring me my answers, show me how to go in and bring out the gift. This is my prayer. I have been reflecting because my homework from my therapist is for me to look at my emotional and physical boundaries. All of my relationships with men and women have been abusive in some way, except for maybe two, and those two people are still a part of my life. I am asking myself some hard questions lately. Why do I partner with abusive people? Why do I partner with people who need me to take care of them? I am seeing the patterns. I am committed to taking the time and energy to do what is necessary to change my thinking so I make better choices. My

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Love Chase

All of my life I’ve been risking it all. Fall after fall I kept getting up, running, trying to catch the next heart. Broken up with lies, “we” never arriving to a destination that had no beginning or ending for its’ route.   Emotions roll, we separate, trying to be whole by fixing the holes in our souls and so it goes, “we” wearing many faces until we finally admit that our addictions are the vehicles we use to chase love.   The tragedy of this reality is we search all over, only to find we had it all along, it is our home. We travel far looking for ourselves. In our own hearts are the answers, that is where you find your love. Once you find it, the only way to keep it is to give it away by mozayik “the souls’ poet” 121712  

Repeat

you see I am holding on the best I can but I don’t see you there extending the hand that rubbed my body and released it from pain the hand you held out to me has now changed where it was smooth and healing it is rough and cutting and cold tearing my secrets apart I have to take care of me I was wrong to offer myself incomplete I will go to make myself whole but I know I wont need your hand anymore I want and deserve more I will never change you into what I need you will forever let me chase and bleed I am strong enough now so go ahead take your bow out of this, is what I need if I am ever going to get back to me I was born with what I need to take care of me my biggest red flag should have been “Baby, I want to take care

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I wont abandon me. (ptsd)

If y’all remember, I had to stop editing my book because of the memories and flash backs I encountered.  It was very puzzling to me that this was happening to me now.  I have worked on this book in some form for the last 12 years. So I wondered, why now? I immediately found a therapist to help me cope and process the feelings that seemed so over whelming. Along with the flashbacks and memories came intense emotions.  I would resist the feelings.  I would find distractions so I did not have to experience this stuff.  I had some events happen in my life that triggered my mind and body to relive one of the most traumatic experiences that happened when I was five.  I had not dealt with this in therapy because I had forgiven the people involved. I learned I still have to process the emotions that are buried in my psyche.  Now is the time my body

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On Purpose

I am doing the last editing of my book and the feelings that are coming up this time are intense.  I want to feel so I can grow but the overwhelming sense of abandonment is making me want to not feel anything.  This is why it has taken so long to finish. Reliving the events that have been the inspiration for this book is excruciatingly painful.  I have made an appointment to see a therapist because I am going to need some help with this part.  At least I know there is resolution if I move through these feelings I will have gained better insight into why I keep repeating the same patterns. Applied knowledge is power.  They say awareness is half the battle.  I am determined to stay on purpose.  Hopefully I can finish this time and move on to more pleasing endeavors. So, I will leave you with an excerpt from the book that will explain some of

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