Realizing my potential

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

Spiritual not Religious

Spiritual not Religious

There are many teachers. I don’t want to be narrowed minded and put God in a box that I created according to my understanding. That is arrogance in its truest form. None know the mind of God really. We only know what our finite intelligence allows.

I believe that we can know God through the experience of transformation. Other beliefs also bring about transformation. Words have power, period.

I am spiritual.

Universal Knowledge is infinite. So, the best I can do is seek understanding for myself.

My understanding that I have gotten from more than one spiritual teacher is Love is God and God is Love.

God is all good. If it isn’t good it isn’t God. That is enough understanding for me.

I have studied the Bible and found the energy, wisdom and words transforming, but there are other spiritual teachings that also lead us to transformation. This demands my respect for the belief of others.

For me it really is very simple.

I don’t believe God expects me to take all the words of the bible literally. I have studied the bible and have my own perspective. You may have a unique perspective and that is okay and welcomed. God is good like that.

To me, the most important message that I as a disciple of Jesus received is summed up by these words:

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”,  Jesus said.

My religion is Love plain and simple. I cannot say that I love God but do not Love you.

I love you.

It is worthy of repeat. 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

The difference is I use my tools.

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17

 

 

Happy, the Gift to Self

Happy, the Gift to Self
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After Therapy

Happiness is not just a word in a far away place

somewhere in no one’s land

happiness now makes perfect sense

it is a state for which we are meant live

from moment to moment

happiness resides now in my soul

it lives in all the little nooks and crannies

cut by all my broken pieces

mozayik is now whole

and the masterpiece

is bright,

colorful

trimmed in gold

in the places where trauma left it’s hole

happiness lives and dances in all of my dreams

all of my expectations are of happy everything

I swear I never thought i could exist

in a state of happiness

from moment to moment

I am not going to lie

there are moments when memories make me sad

but I now know how to not let the moments last

I honor and acknowledge my soul’s brave journey

if tears are in order I respectfully cry

but even with the memories I will be alright

cause I know that I now live in the light

that I can intentionally share

I am not looking for anything out there

because healing has brought me to knowing my own worth

I truly love me and am okay with self

it feels wonderful to just be and breath in peace

knowing that happiness is always available to me

and now I don’t have drudge through shit to see

that if I live moment to moment happiness is free

it is a  gift that I give freely to me

mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Before and After Therapy 

Before and After Therapy 

Practice makes perfect is a true statement or at the very least practice makes better. Before therapy most of my thoughts were negative. I beat up on myself thinking things like “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again?”, “What is the point? I might as well just end it, nobody cares anyway. ” Then I would slide down the slippery slope of depression. I knew if I did not ask for help I would commit suicide. This always ended with a hospital stay of at least 3 days or 72 hours. The skills needed to climb out of the pits of hellish depression were not yet in my possession.

Now, though,  I have an arsenal of tools to prevent the stumble and fall. I stumble but it doesn’t mean the same. Learning and honing coping skills is the super power of therapy.  I stay elevated mentally with out any medication. Stability has been obtained due to  the hard work done for the sake of healing. I had to face the fear that I would lose my mind if I allowed the trapped emotions to rise in an effort to be released.

Not being able to bear constant pain any longer convinced me to commit to the try. Life or death urgency was the strength of this try.  My grandmother always said, “Nothing beats a failure but a try.”  Pain was the biggest motivator forcing me to address it or die.

Losing my mind was the benefit of letting go. I reprogrammed, rewired, and regenerated pathways in my brain.  The default now is happy.

After therapy and years of determination to practice what was learned in therapy, it is rare to have a negative thought about myself.  Replacing it with the truth comes easy.  Because I believe these truths:  I am amazing. I am strong. I am fearless. God is with me. No matter what happens it will be alright. Before therapy I couldn’t even trust my own mind.

After therapy I have no doubt in my ability to make sure I have what I need. God has smiled on me so many times that my faith and trust are unshakable.

Dreams really do come true (faith without works is void)

I wake up every morning more happier than the next.  No matter the circumstances I believe in myself.  I believe in the God in me that helps me to manifest my vision.  There are moments throughout the day that I break out in a big ole smile and I want to jump up and down from the Joy unspeakable.  It has been my desire since I realized God had given me a gift, to share it with the world.  I have always just wanted to make a living doing what God gave me to do.

I am living my dream.  I will manifest the things God has given me to do.  I HAVE NO DOUBT

There have been many that said, “Yvette, this writing thing is what you should be doing.”  I cant even number the confirmations given by the Universe that said to me, “write woman, write”.  I answered the call and am now on purpose, living in the will God’s has for my life.

My mind is saying, “Wow, it really is true what the bible says about your gift making room for you.”My soul is saying, “Wow, she is really ready to walk in her purpose.”

My body is even falling in line with purpose.  My rheumatologist told me at the last appointment, “You only need to see me on a as needed basis.” 2010 ended with my declaration to commit to healing my mind, body and soul.  I spent most of my time in bed then because of the pain that made me depressed, because of the depression that made me hurt. It was a vicious cycle of pain and depression.

If I had not been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I would not have taken control of my life and started the road to recovery.  If it were not for this dreadful condition causing me to be still long enough to research and implement major life changes that have profoundly improved my quality of life.

The better I be, the better God can use me.

It does get better later.