A letter to survivors
— Read on thesoulspoet.com/2016/10/24/a-letter-to-survivors-it-never-gets-old/
A necessary post. Sending gentle hugs to all those strong enough to ask for help.
A letter to survivors
— Read on thesoulspoet.com/2016/10/24/a-letter-to-survivors-it-never-gets-old/
A necessary post. Sending gentle hugs to all those strong enough to ask for help.
I’ve fought all my life
Coming here backward after 64 hours of labor
was a glimpse of my fight
I came feet first
I was born fighting
There have been times when I didn’t want to fight
But because I am fight
I fought
Again, and again
I fought
I have fought for rights
Fought for love
Fought for and with my words
I have fought for children that nobody wanted
There has been infighting
Out fighting with only two of us
I’ve kicked down doors with my fight
Been speaking my piece to gain peace with my fight
My fight has won tons of progress
I fight for the ones that don’t have any fight
They can count on me to fight
I stopped fighting one day
I tried to keep the fight at bay
It did not work
God called me to fight
so, I fought again once more
I fought the professor along with the university,
making them see my invisible disability
I have fought directors, presidents, public officials,
doctors, lawyers, even religious individuals
Shit, I have fought anybody telling me no
Growing up all I saw was fight
Fight to smile
Fight to keep the tears away
Save those tears to fuel the fight another day
I am going to keep on fighting
by mozayik ‘the souls’ poet’
2.21.19
I was torn between being a good Christian and a good citizen.
Wanting to please God but needing to protect myself.
That was the dichotomy of my faith.
“If he wants you the bible says you must stay until he doesn’t.”
My faith was being tested, that is what pastor said.
My question to pastor?
How do you love someone that has left you black and blue?
How do you love the you that allows the abuse?
Mama said shame on you if let them hit you twice,
the first time should be enough.
Mama never talked about the fight or flight into myself.
In my crib I was programmed for trauma bonding.
I became addicted to the rush of chemicals from my own brain
as she participated in the disdain of herself
only to allow it to happen again.
I was wired to repeat the cycle of pain
God forgives
But a price must still be paid for the abuse.
Charges should be brought against all perpetrators.
The pain they cause not only break our hearts,
it leaves a stain upon our image of self.
Now we understand.
We can get some help.
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp
By Zuri Savage
8.8.2021.10.13a
Karma is not a bitch. Karma is sweet. Karma is fair.
She will give you what you deserve.
About your feelings she doesn’t care.
She will pay you in love.
If that is what you reap.
Sowing seeds of love and positivity
will keep you out of the path of Karma’s negative proclivity.
Karma will be your friend, until you make her your enemy.
Whether you acknowledge her or not
she will bite that ass no doubt.
It is an absolute guarantee.
See, me and Karma go way back,
to a time when I did not know
or respect
her affect.
I finally woke up when my love debt was past due.
I had burned too many bridges,
so, a reckoning with Karma I had to do.
That changed my views.
Everyone will get what they are due,
no matter your hue.
Now?
I love every day my very best.
I am reaping love in abundance, cause I let go of judgments.
No more right or wrong.
I am living the moments of my life’s song.
I have created a life in love for myself.
Now?
My journey is filled with valley blessings.
I am receiving my wealth in love that Karma has dispensed.
by Mozayik “the souls’ poet” © 61917
Some have asked, “Yvette why did you do it?”
My answer, I did it because I wanted to.
I did it because it needed to be done.
Somebody had to do it.
F that mess about keeping our business in our house.
That is precisely why I did it,
it was time out for letting abusers get away with it.
It was time out for others controlling the narrative about my life.
It had to be done.
Why should I have walked around in shame?
Why should I have hidden the marks placed on my body
by someone that said they loved me?
Why should I have worn long sleeves so I would not be ashamed
when people asked how that happened?
Was I supposed to walk around in secrecy
trying to cover up your indecency?
Hell no, I did it because it had to be done.
It was time out for people getting away with hurting me.
I did it for all the girls and boys that went to sleep weeping
because they could not speak their truth.
I did it so you would suffer the shame that you threw.
I threw it back at you
and all those that thought they got away with hurting others.
I did it so you would get help,
or crawl into a hole and leave us good people alone.
Be gone or get some help.
I did it because I needed to be sure we were through.
I did it because I wanted to.
The same way you wanted to hurt me.
But I was not trying to hurt.
I did it so a way could be paved.
So someone would have courage to do what I did
I bet you thought this was about you.
Mozayik ‘the souls’ poet’
5.2.2021.12.29a
MAKE A CHOICE TODAY TO BELIEVE IN YOU
Give in to the belief that you are unique
with talents and gifts all your own
No one can do it like you
No one but you can make your dream come true
Whatever mistakes we make are only a tool
To purge and cut to help make us rule
Better we learn from them and move on
Don’t wallow in self pity and doubt
Use your errors as a spring board to break out
Bounce back to the positive
Give in to the belief that you are someone special
Grab it, take hold of it and don’t let it go
Speak it, Chant it, Pray it,
Say it until you’ve convinced your own soul
You are SOMEBODY for the world to behold
triggering event
flash back to the past
reliving as child
helplessness learned
feels familiar
even if abnormal
sometimes alone is safer but inflicts more pain
and the cycle repeats again and again
running
looking for rescue
anybody will do
just so i can make you love me
hate me
leave me
abuse me
so, I can make true
nobody loves me
isn’t that what you did to me
because it was done to you
so, we are stuck in this maze of abuse
today though, I’m really freaking tired of everyday being about you
I’m still running away while clinging to you
I don’t know how to separate me from you
yvette mozayik circa 2017
this poem fell onto the paper like most
#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp
you had to learn that life is not fair
play by the unjust rules or lose
they set you up just to tear you down
whatever goes around comes around
there are some things we can’t change
some things we cannot manipulate
try as we may
there really is a thing called fate
destiny if you believe
the universe is under God’s control
take a minute to think about it
the earth keeps turning
the sun forever shines
the moon revolves around us
and birds always chirp
summer comes, winter goes
trees bud each and every spring
it rains when the heavens declare it should
nothing we can do to stop it
if we could just trust in the universal laws
the world keeps turning but we don’t fall
plant a seed deep in the ground and watch it grow
from a tiny seed to a mighty tree
stop, think about it for a minute
if we would just believe
it’s hard when all around us we see injustice
every day they try to take our dignity
but you are in control ultimately
of what you let them plant in your soul
take the good, plant it in you
can’t find it out there in the world
find it in yourself
nurture goodness and peace
it will grow inside your soul
you really do reap what you sow
tell them go ahead hate me
because I believe in justice and equality
but one day just like a seed
I’ll grow into a mighty tree
I’ll be a power to be reckoned with
I held onto what I believed
I didn’t let you plant your seeds of negativity in me
I became responsible made good choices
held on steadfastly to the belief that
what I put out there is what I’ll receive
by mozayik ‘the souls’ poet’ 1997
for Melisa when things were hard
I had a core belief that I did not deserve to be treated well. Of course, this is an expected response to abandonment, neglect, rape, and abuse. How else was my psyche able to allow this assault on my person, on my innocent soul?
It killed my healthy self-image. Convinced me that, I, the victim deserved this because I was bad and nobody cared. I had been programmed to expect to be traumatized.
I was guilty of not being enough. I was guilty of everything that had ever happened to me. I was guilty of ruining everybody’s life. I was fucking guilty if I did not buy the right toothpaste.
guilty felt normal
grandma said my mother did not want me
so I was guilty of being a burden
guilty of being unwanted
guilty of needing love
guilty of not adequately paying the debt I owed
for never being enough no matter how hard I tried
mother said I was crazy cause Mamie j raised me
after she abandoned me
it was my grandmothers fault for doing
what my mother did not
I was not enough to be kept
I was not enough for her to love me unconditionally
so I kept running into the arms that made me
feel like my mother
so I could one day be enough for her to love me
but just like my mother
they abused and abandoned
they were narcissistic just like she
but that was then
now my boundaries abound
I see the truth of who I am
I no longer need trauma bonding
my trauma brain synapses are rewired
the holes in my soul are filled with self-love
by mozayik thesoulspoet.com
5.5.2020.1.33p
music is my drug of choice
my constant companion
through all of this terror
it saves me minute by minute from madness
I turn it off , it keeps playing
I get lost in thought, it keeps swaying
soothing me with lyrics of the last song that wooed me
music touches my soul, my hair follicles, my toes
I start groving and the next thing I know
me and music are rocking and rolling
until I am totally holding
freedom
in the palms of my hands
my fingers keep poping
while I drop it like its hot
before I know it me and music are in love
and we ain’t to proud to show it
music is my lover
my drug of choice
call me a gleeful forever addict
i get high
so i can fly
away on my lyrical horses
above the noises
by mozayik ‘the souls’ poet’
circa 4.2020