Worthy Reflection (I’m priceless)

As I think back over my life in this reflective vibe I have been in lately, I see all the places in my life where I discounted my value. It saddens me to know that I did not see how immensely valuable my presence was in my family’s life.

Coming to Phoenix is exactly what I needed to realize my worth. To understand my influence and my purpose. Even when I was a very young woman considering placing my children for adoption, it was because I thought I could not be a good mother.

I now know that with this big ole heart that God gave me nothing could be further from the truth.
Now that I know what I bring to the table of life I see where my presence can make a difference in this world.
What I have to give my family, friends, community and partner is extremely valuable. Now that I know how to give from my overflow I am ready to continue this journey of healing. The next step is to continue to encourage women to heal with #GirlGetYouSomeHelp brand. I am not thru.
The next level is going to be Fantastic. I already have a vision but more than that I have a plan. Still basically the same mission but the HOW is clear. I am excited to see what the rest of this year will bring.
I started out with investing in myself and my business. I have grown greatly as a woman and as a business woman. My confidence is huge because I have built a support system of like minded business women that I follow.
I know more about me, so I can pace myself in all areas of my life. I know how to set boundaries now. I am not ruled by my emotions. Finding peace, contentment or happiness is a breath away now.
When I remember to breath and acknowledge gratefully where that breath comes from, all is well in my soul in the moment. Is not the moment all we have?

speak it, chant it, pray it

give in to the belief that you are unique
with talents and gifts all your own
no one can do it like you
no one but you,
can make your dream come true
whatever mistakes we make are only a tool
to purge and cut,
to help make us rule
better we can learn from them and move on
don’t wallow in self-pity and doubt
use your errors as a spring board to break out
bounce back to the positive
give in to the belief that you are someone special
grab it, take hold of it and don’t let it go
speak it, chant it, pray it, say it until you convince your own soul you are somebody for the world to behold
by mozayik “the souls’ poet”
circa 1996

 

You can do it too.

I am officially a Walker. I am walking between 25 and 35 miles per week. After working with my Business Coach Marci Batiste I realized that I had no choice but to slow down the pace and make my health a priority. I am feeling better and bouncing back from flare ups much quicker. None of the changes made to improve my physical health would have been possible if it were not for the commitment I made to do the hard work of healing.
More than one therapist has told me that I am the exception. Most people in therapy don’t change because they are not willing to work.
I don’t believe I am that special. It comes down to your mindset. If you are determined to heal like I was, I PROMISE YOU that God, your Angels and the entire universe will rise up and support you.
I am not telling you what I read. I am telling you what I know from experience. Your will to heal puts everything in motion. If you take two steps God will support you to continue to take steps.
My mission is to inspire you to get some therapy. If I don’t do anything else in life I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God has used me to lead women to healing.
If I did it you can too.

I Am My Own Super Shero (she can’t save me anyway)

I Am My Own Super Shero

(she can’t save me anyway)

she aint coming to save me

she can’t fix what she don’t see

her own pain blinds her

I know in this lifetime she won’t be free

I have to take care of me

cause aint nobody coming

and I just need to stay free in my mind

fear of lonely

beckons and taunts

I fight and flee the agony

of realizing that aint nobody coming to get me

so I take a few deep breaths,

fall on my knees

and allow Goddess to minister love

I stay free by keeping the best

and making it better

taking out my trash before it stinks

making sure I am not throwing away important pieces of me

that could someday be used against me.

I will protect me

by saving all this good for the woman that deserves me

by mozayk “the souls’ poet” 6.23.13

From my book SheRomance

Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

I seek the golden noise of silence
and crave the heart thumping beat of the drum
I am alone a lot but not lonely
I can love and let go

I tend to see the good in everything
poverty has been my state
and abundance is my fate
I love men but I desire women
I’m your mama, sister and friend
I give my love so I can receive love
the silver lining of every cloud is mine
I’m growing while standing still
and move at my own will
I’m spiritual not religious

my hair is sometimes short
and sometimes long
some day’s I don’t use a comb
I like my coffee like I like my lovers
strong, black and sweet

I feel the flow of the universe
and God lives inside of me
the day I was born
I was given everything I would need
my soul is orange
my heart is red
and my mind is yellow
music is my lover
I said, music is my lover

words are my closest friends
the beauty I see in this would will never end
I like a baby’s breath and a cats meow
don’t care too much for the bow wows
What am I you say?
I’m an artist

because I am an artist
I am most times misunderstood
because I don’t think or act
the way people think I should
but staying true to myself is a gift of self love

I like Beethoven, rap, jazz, reggae and blues
can’t do rock, it lacks the ability to sooth
I’m a free spirit in control
I possess my soul
I’m happy with me,
if you’re not
maybe in my world
you don’t need to be

I can’t be bought
I’m priceless
handle me carefully
I’m a precious jewel

my tongue and pen are my tools
both have power to create beauty and commit murder
I’m trying not to live in the past
to prove I’ve learned my lessons well
so on this earth I won’t dwell, in hell
What am I you say?
I am a writer and poet

by Mozayik “the souls poet”

Next Level Soul Healing

2018 is the year of Reaping all of the hard work I have put in to be better.

I will celebrate 7 years of intentionally preparing myself to serve God by walking in my purpose. God has already shown me the vision so I don’t need anyone else to agree.

The gift I used to help heal my own soul will now be used to inspire healing in other souls.

Women opened up and showed me their vulnerabilities by telling me their story. The told and then showed me how to be authentic. They taught me how to allow my words to match up with walk. They helped me take my soul to the next level of healing. If I am obedient as they have been there will souls like me that say, “Hey, If she did it, I can too.” The only difference between me and you SisStar is I made a commitment to heal at all cost. I wanted to see what the end was going to be and when I was ready the universe brought this student her teacher. I promise you the other side is beautiful. I promise. You will however, have to travel through hell to get to the other side but “Girl Get You Some Help.” Let’s do this. Each one of us can heal and change the destiny for our families forever. We have to help heal each other or we are doomed to repeat the same crap over and over. That is what a curse is, or as Iyanla would say, that is the pathology that keeps repeating in our seed.

I am not perfect. I am grateful for my imperfections. My wings are golden and I shine because other women helped me by telling their stories.

I am telling mine now. I am striving to always be the best me I can possibly be. Give your SisStar a break, give her a hug. Let her know, Sis I have not always had it all together. Let me love you through your lessons. You are beautiful and your beauty will be groomed in your struggle but I am here to remind you that you are my SisStar. Let my life be a candle to you. Letting you know that you can let yourself off the hook for things you did not even have knowledge of back then. It is called hind sight for a reason SisStar. I had to live and learn just like you. I am not trying to tell you how to heal. I just want you to trust the process so you can be whole and complete. I love you Girl. Get you some help. We are all a work in progress. Give yourself some compassion.

The truth is…..

Honestly, almost all of my relationships have been abusive in some way, even my relationships with women. But the scary part is, I did not know it at times.
One day over 25 years ago, while in the midst of a deep depression that had left me unable to function I called the crisis hotline. I wanted to die to alleviate the emotional pain that had become unbearable. Suicide is more about wanting to stop the pain.
The woman on the phone asked me a series of questions, after which she said, “Yvette you are in an abusive relationship.” She said, “Although your husband is not hitting you he is emotionally and financially abusive.”
She gave me some resources for counseling. That is where my healing journey began.
It took many years of stopping and starting therapy before finally making a commitment to see what the end could be. I chose to Love me more than I had been trying to love the people in my life. It has been seven years. I have received a phenomenal return on my investment.
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Mother I See You In Me (wrote before her transition)

I couldn’t have been more than three

and you were teaching me the abc’s

you would tell me to say the letter U

I would say “me”, you would say no, say U

I would say “Yvette”, then you would laugh at me

I remember you said my eyes made me look Chinese

our relationship has been tumultuous, hateful at it’s worst

but it has been worth it

I look at you and see so much of myself

my strength, my courage, my loving ways

even my own disappointments I sometimes see on your face

my creativity and love for words

my ability to make something out of nothing

to strut my stuff with style without a nickel in my pocket

I press on and hold my head high

that is what I have seen you do all of your life

I want you to know I am so proud of you

I see what you’ve been through

let me say that again

I see what you’ve been through

it made you bend but not break

it amazes me how you are still smiling and laughing

with such beautiful hues

in all of us lives the essence of you

I see you, the kind, generous woman

the I don’t take no mess woman

the sweet, loving but I am going to still tell you about yourself woman

who did her best with what she had woman

I see the wonderful woman

I am so glad you are still alive

we can sit here together and count our blessings

and be grateful to God that we did not have to feel this standing at a grave

I want you know I really love you, thank you for being my mother

we have overcome a legacy of hate

the curse has been broken, our ancestors celebrate

we both have the strength of Mamie and the wisdom of Bertha

the generations after us will be built on love

of that I am certain

Your daughter

Yvette Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

11/26/2008

Realizing my potential

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me  the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Nothing can stop me. Watch me Rise

The difference is I use my tools.

Before therapy I handled stress by running and hiding from life

going under the covers not letting in any light

after therapy though, I use my tools

put on some funky music

dance until the frown is soothed

grab  a walking stick

go for a stroll and wack the shit out of uselessness

now, that I have tools to navigate through the rough terrain

a smile is not far away

now, I know I am worth the effort

I don’t need anyone to tell me that

I killed the metaphoric demons

that used to taunt me and make me believe

that these negative thoughts are real

I know better now, so I use my tools

soon all of the gloom has bloomed into gratitude

that I made it through but more than that I ain’t blue

I am bright orange and yellow

spreading happy energy to my fellow

soul seekers of light

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

7.13.17