Tag: Poetry

It is healing time

I have taken the time to be still.  In the silence I commune with God.  My love for self-motivates me to take my healing to the next level.  I am not afraid.  I have lived all these years in a prison of fear and now that I have an opportunity to be free, I am going to choose Love.  I am reminded of the words from that old gospel song “I have come to far from where I started from.  Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don’t believe “She” brought me this far to leave me.”
I have worked hard and it really is showing.  I hear it from those that know and love me that they see a definite change for the better in how I show up in the world now.  I feel better.  My therapist has helped me navigate through things I thought I would never be able to do, but I did.  I will make it through to the other side.

“healing time”
my soul may be a little weary
my eyes are tired of crying
i still know i have what it takes to keep on fighting
when i look to the left
or even on my right
it appears it is just me
but i feel the presence of my ancestors
telling me
weep in the night
but don’t give up
trust
the law says
you will have a season of reaping
what has been sown
now it is the season for healing
be still
until
you have grown
“whatever it takes to make it, I am going all the way, I may be down sometimes, but I won’t be down always”  

mozayik “the souls’ poet”

We find each other, the ones that seek love. The price of love is truth.

There are days when you come face to face with self.  These are usually the hardest days of your life.  In one moment, you will decide what the rest of your life will look like.  There are only two choices.  Choose the path of fear that tells you this is all you will ever be or have, so you might as well get what you can.  You do not believe you deserve anything more and your life will stop.  You will be living a lie.  If your life is a lie then your life is a waste.

 

The great thing is the other choice is the path to self-love that leads to unconditional love for others because you have it for yourself.  Unconditional does not mean you expect less of yourself.  It really demands that you take responsibility for the choices you have made thus far.  This will empower you to make wiser choices.  The choices that serve your “Highest” good and   that are the absolute for your purpose.

 

This path to truth will try everything you say you are.  Only the path of love will help you evolve to another level of self.  A more authentic soul is all most of us desire.  When it is all said and done, we just want to serve and we accept that means some days we will be alone but the journey to love is not lonely.  Love does not hurt.

 

We find each other, the ones that seek love.  The price of love is truth.

~~~~~mozayik “the souls’ poet

 

Cloak of Guilt

A journal entry from 1.3.2013

All day today I have been hearing that Mary J. Blige song “Just Fine”.  I made it through a tumultuous year.  If you had told me everything that happened in my life was a promise I would have laughed.  I believe I can be more than a survivor.  I can thrive.  I know how to hold on to my Joy.  (still holding 3.25.2013)

I am still in therapy and I plan on staying for the long haul this time.  I am truly falling in love with me.  I had told myself that I deserved bad things to happen to me as restitution to what I thought I had done to people I love.  My therapist had me look at and what I found was that I was quick to take the blame for everything that went wrong in my children’s’ lives, the people I was in relationship with or any other situation.  It was easier to be the scapegoat that way I did not have to address the issues.

Our society conditions women to wear guilt like a cloak of honor.  A case in point is my divorce and the custody battle.  My ex husband had one of the best and most expensive lawyers in Missouri and they had plotted their plan of action against me months before I ever spoke to a lawyer.  The Legal Services of Eastern Missouri  http://www.lsem.org/ could not help me  in the late 90’s, I hope the patriarchal stupidity has stopped
because they used his income to decide if I qualified for help.  Although,  it was documented that he was physically abusive.

Of course he won custody but I am still treated as if I abandoned my children.  Not once has anyone said anything negative about a man who would take his children from their mother when there was no history of anything negative.  As I look back I can understand his perseverance  to keep them away from my incestuous family.  He knew all about the Sexual abuse of me and my siblings and was determined to keep his children from that and I don’t blame him.  Looking back with 20/20, things happened the way that they were supposed to.

But I do blame myself and allow others to guilt trip me.  (working on changing my thoughts)

It showed up in my relationships.  Particularly the most recent involvement with a woman that triggered me to relive my trauma and neglect.   I clung to her with my life, and would not let go because doing so meant I had to stop blaming myself and do the hard work of healing.  I willing allowed her to tell me all of our problems were because “I had issues”.  She was abusive and I made excuses for her so I could live in denial, but that is another story..

I am grateful to know that I can be alone with myself and have peace.  That was something I had lost last year.

I am still free from the fear of being alone.  3.25.2013

Love Chase

All of my life

I’ve been risking it all.

Fall after fall

I kept getting up,

running,

trying to catch the next heart.

Broken up with lies,

“we” never arriving to a destination

that had no beginning

or ending for its’ route.

 

Emotions roll,

we separate,

trying to be whole by

fixing the holes in our souls

and so it goes, “we”

wearing many faces

until we finally admit

that our addictions

are the vehicles

we use to chase love.

 

The tragedy of this reality is

we search all over,

only to find

we had it all along,

it is our home.

We travel far

looking for ourselves.

In our own hearts

are the answers,

that is where you find your love.

Once you find it,

the only way to keep it

is to give it away

by mozayik “the souls’ poet” 121712

 

We know

there is a fire you left raging

you knew

only you could put it out

i knew

the day i lay eyes on you

i knew

i would never let you go

it seems as though we have come to a fork

and i did not even get to drink from the bitter cup

 

passionate fire burning out of control

still

we have this connection with our souls

i know

you are feeling me right now

as i write this

asking the words

to tell me how to leave

the thought of you

in my dreams

where you come to me

loving all of me

giving me

you

dreaming of staying

together

and that is where it stays

 

we know

it is not our time

we are not ready to weather

whether

we like it or not

our time is not

we know

that is why i did us a favor

the madness had to stop

we were both becoming

what we are not

 

looking in the mirror

you showed, me

what i see

is not what i want

to be

i gift myself relief

from the agony

of the fear of being alone

 

i regret nothing and am grateful for all

memories now stored in

the poems that tell the story

how we had a once in lifetime

when our souls were flying

so i wont be crying

when thinking of you

i will smile

cause you will always be my prince

my lover

my boo 😉

the only one i surrendered to

 

completely, free

peace

is what you gave me

so while sweetness is still the taste

when i think of you

while strawberries now have more charm

i can still close my eyes and imagine

me lying in your arms

 

i wish you beauty, babee

i will love you till my soul goes home

but i am sure i will feel you again

we have always

we will always

find our way back to each other

you will always be “my” lover

the only one i surrender to under the covers

 

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

I want to write a love song

i want to write a love song

or a sonnet

a psalm

a story

and paint a picture of love

i want to create a recipe

a symphony

a melody

a lullaby

write a book about love

i want to fill a room

a home

the world

the universe

the galaxy with love

i want to tell you and everyone

i love

Thank you for stopping by to view my blog.  I want to share what poetry is to me.  If it were not for writing poetry I am certain I would have lost my mind, killed someone or killed myself.  Through poetry I have been able to purge negative emotions.  I have learned that the most powerful force is Love.  The most loving thing I can do is share my God given gift in hopes that my story will help to heal others.  If I made it through so can you.  One of my favorite sayings is “there but for the grace of God, go I”

I will tell you my story through my poems.  We will start with as far back as I can remember and move through to the present.  So, I guess you could say that this is an Autobiography told in poems.  There will be days when I digress, but most of the time I will post a poem and then try to tell you what experience and emotion inspired the poem.

I hope you enjoy and if you get something, anything from my words please leave me a comment.  This will let me know that someone is listening.

Positive Funk

Positive Funk

is where you go to work on self
you can’t take anyone along
funky place in your spirit
filled with your own bittersweet song

you don’t mind staying funky for a while
cause you know there won’t be a crowd
they don’t understand you see
about this  funky place you be

but you very well comprehend
this positive funk you are in
this funk is a good funk
the kind that builds you up

you don’t smell this
you feel it
you welcome the enriching experience
don’t share  it
cause you couldn’t if you wanted to
it’s designed just for you

it’s too funky for your loved ones
so they just let you do what you gotta do
this funky place is fertile ground
where all the seeds of life are growing
you’ll find pride, greed and all the  negative emotions

but be patient cause positivity will soon be flowing
shortly you’ll see the love peace and contentment
that this place is grooming
when you come out you’ll be smelling like a rose

positive funk produces a unique kind of knowing
that after the thunder, lightning and stormy rains of life
things are clean and fresh smelling
after digging deep into the dirty issues of life
wallowing in the mud of pain and strife
looking at yourself and all your ugly ways

positive funk will produce
a brand new you on a whole new level
you’ll be aware of all the pitfalls
that took you to this stinking valley

this funk is positive because of the result
if you desire to be the best
you must look at your own funky shit
then I bet you’ll figure out what’s best for you

you’ll be renewed, refreshed
and have a new constitution
telling everybody it’s because of
positive funk your life had a revolution

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”