Category: Uncategorized

Where is my lover?

Give me a lover
that will warm my heart
and my bed.

She doesn’t want to be led,
and a follower she won’t need me to be.

Side by side we will walk,
heart to heart we will talk,
soul to soul making love.

This is the lover I dream of,
she knows when to be strong,
when to be weak,
will even weep with me.

This lover will smile
while looking into my eyes.
She will kiss me gently,
not always reaching for my thighs.
She’ll treasure what is inside my mind,
not how I look, she will remember
just what it took to get me,
and will always do it to keep me.

This lover knows I’m not looking for a cheap thrill
not looking for her mansion sitting on a hill.
She knows that all I need is her love that’s true
and for my love anything she will do.

She’ll tell me she loves me at least once a day,
fearing that if she doesn’t my desire will fade.
She’ll care about the little things,
like how important a hug can be.

She’ll let me know that she respects me.
She’ll take the time to remind me
just how special I am,
and how much she needs me.

If this is the kind of lover that you are
then right now I’m wishing on a star
to guide you my way.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
Where ever you are!
I love you!

by Mozayik (the souls’ poet)

I want to write a love song

i want to write a love song

or a sonnet

a psalm

a story

and paint a picture of love

i want to create a recipe

a symphony

a melody

a lullaby

write a book about love

i want to fill a room

a home

the world

the universe

the galaxy with love

i want to tell you and everyone

i love

Going to hell changed my life (dedicated to Alfreda Lanoix)

Below is a journal entry of mine from August 2010.  I thought my life was over and I felt good for nothing.  I have Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I was grieving the loss of my former active self.

In March of this year I purchased a book titled “Go to Hell“  by Alfreda Lanoix.  This book changed my life.  I know people throw those words around a lot but this is my truth.  Reading her book gave me courage to stand up and try again.  I can not really explain it except to say I was a ready student and the teacher showed up.

I found beauty in me.  I saw God in me.  I knew love in me.

I felt if she could start over so could I.

I said to myself “if her story can help me, then my story can help some body”  The rest is mystory.  I found my voice and have not shut up since.  I love you Alfreda.

I dedicate the rest of my life to telling my stories in hope that a life will be transformed.

written in August 2010

Suffering in silence. not seen nor heard

I’ve become cynical and jaded about the medical community. I am tired of being treated like I am crazy or a drug addict seeking drugs. My pain is real, damn it. If I am depressed it is because I am tired of hoping every day that this day will be better than yesterday, it is getting hard to hold on to hope.

Some might say it could be worse. Well my answer to that is the only thing worse would be death. I am tired of hurting but more than that I am tired of not being heard. I am Tired of not being seen. I really do not know how much more of this I can take. I am not lazy. I am not faking. Who would choose this?

I am a mother of twins and triplets. I’ve worked two jobs many times in my life. I was always on the go. While my children were little I went to college full-time and maintained a 3.5 GPA. All while teaching Sunday school, singing in the Choir, serving on the Usher board and the Nurse’s board at church. I was also taking care of my ailing grandmother. I was a wife, mother, student and servant in my community as well as at church. I went out of my way to help those more disadvantaged than myself.

I was active at my children’s school serving as P.T.A. President and was Coordinator and Liaison for Practical Parenting Partnership. I was responsible for establishing the Free Breakfast program in our school district and getting Drug Free School Zone signs installed in our neighborhoods.

Now I feel like a lazy bum although, that is not true of me. That is how I feel when I spend my days in bed crying in pain.

I am able to do less and less. I spend more time in bed than I do out and it is starting to drive me crazy. If I try to push myself to do more it only causes more pain. I live in fear of pain. I am always anxious about what I have done or might do to cause more pain.
It is so bad that I do not take my pain seriously. If I am hurting anywhere on my body, I just chalk it up to that is just the way it is. That has cost me dearly. I almost died because I did not listen to the pain. And the medical community is horrible. I have to change my doctor of twelve years because I to wait up to three months to see her or see the nurse practitioner. I don’t want to see the nurse practitioner.  She is not a doctor nor is she my doctor.

While waiting to see my doctor about the pain in my side my appendix almost burst. At the hospital they treated me like a crazy, drug seeking addict and sent me home without relieving my pain saying I was constipated although I was vomiting violently, so much that bile was coming up from my liver. They made me feel like being constipated was my fault when (that is a symptom of appendicitis).

I have so many medical conditions to manage that I have become overwhelmed. I am really at the point of giving up. With no one to talk to about this, because everyone is tired of hearing it, I have no outlet. Truth be told, I am tired of hearing it too.

I feel old, boring and a bother. Maybe it is my fault. I try not to whine. I try to act like everything is okay but I am not okay. I am suffering, alone in silence.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES

I feel younger, more interesting and well worth your time.

Related articles

Survivor (when my own soul encouraged me)

you are a survivor girl
stand up and be strong
you’ve made it
through storms of  hard times

you’ve seen bad marriages
the let downs of dreams
but you’re still here

so it seems you can’t make it
seems you can’t see your way
but you’ve made it this far girlfriend
you survived, through it all till this day

go ahead on and be strong.
You’re a survivor because
you’ve hung in there this long.

Gone girl with your bad self
only you know what you can do.

just try it.
just believe in your self.

Don’t wait for somebody
to tell you that you can make it through.
you know what you’ve got to do

reach deep down inside yourself and
pull out what has been there for so long
stand up and be strong.

girl whatever it took
to make it through a bad marriage
to a drug addict and wife beater.

whatever it took to make it
through abuse and rejection

whatever it took when
you were put down,

lied to and talked about.

but you made it through.
you held your head up high
and you kept on going.

girl you can do it
all you gotta do is
stand up and be strong

believe in your self

you are a survivor girl,

go ahead on!

Positive Funk

Positive Funk

is where you go to work on self
you can’t take anyone along
funky place in your spirit
filled with your own bittersweet song

you don’t mind staying funky for a while
cause you know there won’t be a crowd
they don’t understand you see
about this  funky place you be

but you very well comprehend
this positive funk you are in
this funk is a good funk
the kind that builds you up

you don’t smell this
you feel it
you welcome the enriching experience
don’t share  it
cause you couldn’t if you wanted to
it’s designed just for you

it’s too funky for your loved ones
so they just let you do what you gotta do
this funky place is fertile ground
where all the seeds of life are growing
you’ll find pride, greed and all the  negative emotions

but be patient cause positivity will soon be flowing
shortly you’ll see the love peace and contentment
that this place is grooming
when you come out you’ll be smelling like a rose

positive funk produces a unique kind of knowing
that after the thunder, lightning and stormy rains of life
things are clean and fresh smelling
after digging deep into the dirty issues of life
wallowing in the mud of pain and strife
looking at yourself and all your ugly ways

positive funk will produce
a brand new you on a whole new level
you’ll be aware of all the pitfalls
that took you to this stinking valley

this funk is positive because of the result
if you desire to be the best
you must look at your own funky shit
then I bet you’ll figure out what’s best for you

you’ll be renewed, refreshed
and have a new constitution
telling everybody it’s because of
positive funk your life had a revolution

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Who Knew?

I have updated my You Tube page again.  I don’t like Gmail and you tube would not let me delete my Gmail address so I had to create a new You Tube account.  I am almost finished connecting every thing but boy it has been tedious.  Now I understand the high prices marketing companies charge because this is time-consuming.  I am a smart woman so it will not  be too long before everything is up and running.

I am getting anxious so I am going to post a poem.  LOL

Still on my grind

Although I was up all night running to the restroom and I spent most of the day feeling crappy, I was able to tidy up my you tube page and do some research on how to post videos of myself reading my poetry.  For now I think I am going to just use the audio until I can get it all connected.  I read some of Sonia Sanchez’s Wounded in the House of a Friend.  So far of all the female poets I can most relate to her.  Her writing voice reminds me of great grandmother.  I promised myself that I would blog everyday even it is only a few lines.  It is done.