Category: healing

When Love is the Intention…..

Today at 3pm CST I will be interviewed by Marci Baptiste about being a Co-Author sharing my story of wisdom gleaned from living over 57 years ,in her Book ‘The Power of 50.

A lot has happened this year that was on my Vision Board for 2018. Being a published Author will give me more opportunities to not only produce interest in my Book ‘The Souls’ Poetry’, but also allows me to share an experience from my life as an 18 year old mother of three children. I share so that other young women will know they are not alone in their struggles and they can persevere in therapy. I want to show them that it is possible to recover.

I have tried performing, reciting my poetry and even sold t-shirts but my true calling is writing.  I will always encourage women to heal. Therapy and God have been the ingredients needed to destroy patterns of abuse in my family.

 

Do you know your God’s Voice?

It is imperative that we know the voice of God for ourselves. We can not allow another human being to tell us who God is to us. I am not a young woman anymore and I have healed and grown enough to know that whatever I do will affect not only me but my entire family, my friends, my community and the universe that is me. I must consult God when making decisions.
There was a time when I needed the approval of others.
I have been through a lot in my life and because God has always protected and provided for me even when I did not acknowledge God.
I bumped my head a lot and took myself through some unnecessary drama.
But GOD, was patient with me as I learned how to be the woman I am born to be.
My journey is unique and my path is specifically for me and me alone.
Now my prayer is “Let the Will of God be done. No matter the situation, that prayer is the one to pray. For me it is Fail Proof. I only want what God wants me to have.
I know when God is speaking to me. I know the leading of my soul, my intuition, my gut feeling, the holy spirit or whatever you wish to call that knowing.
Do you trust God’s leading beyond the shadow of doubt even when the entire world is saying don’t do it.
I know that the decision to return to St Louis is God’s will for my life. God has given me a partner that I can grow with spiritually.
God has shown us that WE ARE IN GOD’S WILL.
I am Happy, We are happy and it is both of our desire to serve and sow good seed into good ground so that our harvest is good enough to share.

Same shit just 25 years later

25 years ago, my youngest daughter came home from a Lutheran Preschool she and her triplet brothers were attending and said, while looking in our floor length mirror, touching her face, “I am getting lighter.”

It was pricey, but we wanted our children to have the best advantage going into Kindergarten. However; I still  had to abruptly remove all three of them. There was no way we were going to spend our hard-earned money to have our children’s self-esteem destroyed. My daughter was wishing for something that would never happen but more importantly she was a perfect beautifully brown girl.

Of course I went overboard with building her esteem. I would say I did a great job because when she was little, and people would comment on how pretty she was she would always say, “I know.” Some would say that she was conceited. I beg to differ because as soon as a brown girl steps outside her door someone is always waiting to tear her down with their ignorance’s.

I gave her an advantage. She knew her beauty and worth. I am so proud of her as woman with confidence that is not based on her beauty because that has already been established. She did not need outside validation from boys or men.

I said all of this to say that 25 years later my four-year-old Granddaughter had the exact same experience in her Preschool. She was told because she was “black” she was not good enough to visit her classmates’ home. This breaks my heart. 25 years and we have not moved 1 dam step.

I challenge anyone to show me the change when we are shot down in cold blood and it is broadcast for the entire world to see, to only have the murderers go free.

I will say what I always say, what we have been doing is not working. It’s time to do something different.

#PeopleAreNotColorsIsWhereItCanStart

Mozayik  ‘the souls’ poet’

10.12.18.12.39

 

breathe

being alone sucks when the clouds start to turn gray

and the memory of abuse is alive and well

the memories laugh and taunt

the breath though saves me

between the inhale and exhale

is where God restores my soul

I remember just like the last breath I took

this feeling of lonely will pass

I remember I am love

love is my super power

the next inhale comes to straighten my spine

the exhale releases all the indecision and doubt

the between the exhale and inhale

reminds me of my purpose

all my tears are stored

in between the inhale, the exhale,

the space where I release the energy that has

clogged my spiritual pores

in between the inhale and exhale

the space where my soul speaks

a language only God understands

by mozayik ‘the soul’ poet’

8.21.18

a safe place for healing 

Therapy provided the safe space to wail, moan, sling snot, curse, get fucking angry, say shit out loud that I should not dare to say anywhere else, shit that if I did they would lock me up,  therapy gave me permission to place the blame where it belonged, you don’t have to forgive to heal, hell my healing was dependent on changing me not forgiving someone else, I had to grow up, I had to mother myself, I took care of the little abandoned girl, I told her I loved her and that I would not let another motherfu*cker hurt her ever again, I protected her while she cried, I believed her when she said that man hurt her, I told her it was okay to feel sad about it, anyone would be fu*king mad about it, kill that mfer in your head and heart by giving yourself a fresh start by plugging the holes in your soul with self-love, girl go talk to somebody and let it out, happiness is on the other side, please have no doubt, girl get you some help

#GirlGetYouSomeHelp

God even supplies the Hugs

It’s the God in me. I promise you that God supplies my every need, even hugs. I have a neighbor that gives me a hug every time she sees me. Today she brought tears to my eyes because we are in the monsoon season here in Phoenix and she was using her walker. She has arthritis,but she walked outside our building to the spot where I dance in the sun every morning just to give me a hug.
Anyone that knows me well know how I love my hugs, honey. I truly believe we start a fast decent to death without human contact.
The thing is the hugs have been supplied by different Mamas. As people move out someone else takes their place. They all have been old enough to be my mother or even my grandmother as was the case with the 96 old Choctaw Native American.
She has transitioned but I had the absolute privilege and honor to be encouraged by her. She would say to me and anyone within earshot that she was so proud of me. Being a retired Therapist she told me to follow my heart to help women, I was needed.
When I went to speak at a Domestic Violence Shelter for women, she listened intently to the recording and hugged my neck tight although her body was twisted from the arthritis. I would talk with her for hours and show her pictures of my family. I will never doubt God’s faithfulness to always provide for me just like all of Creation.
It is not me but the God in me that draws people to me.
I am not really that special. I just have experienced a time when I pushed people away. I have always prayed to be an instrument of Love but my issues had a way of keeping me feeling defeated.
After therapy, I am not emotionally unstable. Depression thinking is not my default. I know Anxiety is Fear and Fear is ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’. In therapy I learned to check any thought that was giving me anxiety with the question, “What is the Evidence of the belief?”
When you are OnPurpose and your only Goal is to stay in the Will of God so that your mission for this lifetime is fulfilled, there is no need to worry. Everything you need will be there when you get there.
mozayik ‘the souls’ poet’
8.17.18
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Worthy Reflection (I’m priceless)

As I think back over my life in this reflective vibe I have been in lately, I see all the places in my life where I discounted my value. It saddens me to know that I did not see how immensely valuable my presence was in my family’s life.

Coming to Phoenix is exactly what I needed to realize my worth. To understand my influence and my purpose. Even when I was a very young woman considering placing my children for adoption, it was because I thought I could not be a good mother.

I now know that with this big ole heart that God gave me nothing could be further from the truth.
Now that I know what I bring to the table of life I see where my presence can make a difference in this world.
What I have to give my family, friends, community and partner is extremely valuable. Now that I know how to give from my overflow I am ready to continue this journey of healing. The next step is to continue to encourage women to heal with #GirlGetYouSomeHelp brand. I am not thru.
The next level is going to be Fantastic. I already have a vision but more than that I have a plan. Still basically the same mission but the HOW is clear. I am excited to see what the rest of this year will bring.
I started out with investing in myself and my business. I have grown greatly as a woman and as a business woman. My confidence is huge because I have built a support system of like minded business women that I follow.
I know more about me, so I can pace myself in all areas of my life. I know how to set boundaries now. I am not ruled by my emotions. Finding peace, contentment or happiness is a breath away now.
When I remember to breath and acknowledge gratefully where that breath comes from, all is well in my soul in the moment. Is not the moment all we have?

Your Soul Knows What You Need To Heal

When you know your purpose and you know your God your Faith can not be shaken. You wont let others tell you how your life should be lived. I know the God in me intimately. How could I not get to know God intimately after living in a city alone with no family or friends.
I landed on my feet because of my faith in God.
I trust God to lead me. I have learned to wait and listen before making changes in my life. All any of us need is already in our soul.
We all have a journey. There is purpose for every soul.
Our personality or our ego/flesh is the tool that shows us where we need to change.
The people we encounter represent a mirror into the cracks in our soul. When we seek truth and search for the lesson our souls evolve.
As we grow we enlighten others and the soul just keeps growing and healing until we reach what is called nirvana or bliss or total enlightenment or self realization.
Whatever you call it, it is just knowing who you are, knowing what your purpose is and knowing that your purpose is greater than you.
Knowing that God lives in your soul and what your purpose is in this life is Heaven. It is a life without worry. It is a life lived listening and moving as God tells you to and not listening to the doubts others have about your life or your life choices. There really is not a man or woman alive that can reassure you of your purpose.
Only you and God know and that is ALL you have to know.

speak it, chant it, pray it

give in to the belief that you are unique
with talents and gifts all your own
no one can do it like you
no one but you,
can make your dream come true
whatever mistakes we make are only a tool
to purge and cut,
to help make us rule
better we can learn from them and move on
don’t wallow in self-pity and doubt
use your errors as a spring board to break out
bounce back to the positive
give in to the belief that you are someone special
grab it, take hold of it and don’t let it go
speak it, chant it, pray it, say it until you convince your own soul you are somebody for the world to behold
by mozayik “the souls’ poet”
circa 1996

 

Survivor

Some body needs this poem today. I can just feel it. #GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Mozayik "the souls' poet"'s avatarThe Souls' Poet

you are a survivor girl
stand up and be strong
you’ve made it
through storms of  hard times

you’ve seen bad marriages
the let downs of dreams
but you’re still here

so it seems you can’t make it
seems you can’t see your way
but you’ve made it this far girlfriend
you survived, through it all till this day

go ahead on and be strong.
You’re a survivor because
you’ve hung in there this long.

Gone girl with your bad self
only you know what you can do.

just try it.
just believe in your self.

Don’t wait for somebody
to tell you that you can make it through.
you know what you’ve got to do

reach deep down inside yourself and
pull out what has been there for so long
stand up and be strong.

girl whatever it took
to make it through a marriage
to a drug addict…

View original post 64 more words