Category: Uncategorized

The truth is…..

Honestly, almost all of my relationships have been abusive in some way, even my relationships with women. But the scary part is, I did not know it at times.
One day over 25 years ago, while in the midst of a deep depression that had left me unable to function I called the crisis hotline. I wanted to die to alleviate the emotional pain that had become unbearable. Suicide is more about wanting to stop the pain.
The woman on the phone asked me a series of questions, after which she said, “Yvette you are in an abusive relationship.” She said, “Although your husband is not hitting you he is emotionally and financially abusive.”
She gave me some resources for counseling. That is where my healing journey began.
It took many years of stopping and starting therapy before finally making a commitment to see what the end could be. I chose to Love me more than I had been trying to love the people in my life. It has been seven years. I have received a phenomenal return on my investment.
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Healing is possible

My passion is to help women understand the different types of abuse, understand how it has affected her, and where to go to get help.
I am not a therapist but I have had a lot of therapy that has allowed me to change. I am not an expert on therapy. I just want to serve as an example that women can relate to.

I want to say, “SisStar, if I did it you can too. You can be happy on the inside all of the time. It is a downright dirty shame that we have to fix ourselves. But we can do it and your healing will change the course of your entire family for generations to come.”.

#GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Begin Again, 7 Years of Blogging

The launch date for the GirlGetYouSomeHelp.com is March 23, 2018 the seven year anniversary of The Souls’ Poet.com

My mission is to lead women, particularly LGBTQ women to healing. I am the relate-able example that healing is possible.

My message is simple. Girl get you some help. I don’t say this in a judgemental tone. I say this because I love you. I see you. I know what you have been through. If I can heal so can you. I promise you it is better on the other side.

Writing has saved my life. Every therapist asked me to write.  Writing is a proven facilitator of  healing. Pouring your emotions and feelings onto the paper is one of the practical tools of therapy.

I will use journal writing, and poetry to not only help with healing but to also educate on the many forms of abuse and domestic violence specifically where it is women hurting women within the LGBT community. I want to also educate or demystify how to find a good fit when looking for a therapist. I will give tips on and how to work with your therapist, how to get what you need from therapy and when to say “I am out of here.” when the therapist is not a good fit.

It is my purpose and passion to help women heal with my whole life.

I feel it is utterly important that women heal because it is true,

the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

 

It is worthy of repeat. 

RAW & REAL 

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope.  Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills.  My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping.  I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life  Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me.  It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping.  Awareness is just the beginning.  Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover.  I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be.  Thanks God for therapy.  #therapyworks

What Happened?

Before therapy whenever I would feel depressed or have anxiety and feel guilty.

I would punish myself with negative thoughts. I would always think to myself “what is wrong with me?”.

After therapy I can’t remember the last time I had that thought. Because I know there is nothing wrong with me. I know I have not done anything wrong.

Something bad happened to me. Something very very bad happened to me. That is why I do hate I behaved the way I did in the past. What happened to me caused PTSD.

When I am triggered I am afraid, guarded, vigilant and I don’t trust anybody. I don’t feel safe and I feel the need to protect myself.

I spent most of my life on guard not trusting.  PTSD is not what is wrong with me.

PTSD is what is the result of what happened to me.

Free & Independent 

​Before Therapy I “had ” a fear of being alone so badly that I found myself in situations that did not serve my  highest good. My relationships were co-dependent and most were abusive in one way or another because I would do anything to avoid being alone. It was deeply rooted from being abandoned at 5 years old. 

After therapy I am living alone in Phoenix Arizona. I deserve this fabulous life. I’ve worked hard to change. Y’all have no idea what it feels like to be truly INDEPENDENT. I explore this city with vivacious curiosity alone walking or in the car God blessed me with. I am not afraid because God is with me. #FinallyFree #FreedomFromCoDependency #TherapyWorks #ToGodBeTheGlory

When your day starts with triggers? 

Some triggers can be anticipated and allows for preparation. There are those triggers though that kick you in the gut and knock you immediately into the past. Before therapy I carried the angry energy around me like a cloud sometimes for days. I had no idea what was happening to me because of what “happened to me” as a child. 

After therapy the knowledge of self and ptsd and what that looks like on me empowers me to use the skills learned and practiced in therapy to manage the fall out of triggers. 

I fully expect to one day laugh at a trigger and say, “I see you but you don’t faze me anymore.” Until then I will keep practicing what I learned in therapy. 

Shout out to my therapist of more than three years. ~Quandra Chaffers

https://www.aasect.org/member-spotlight-quandra-chaffers

#WorkYourFaith

​Before therapy I doubted if my vision for my life would be realized. PTSD would always stop me in my tracks because of the triggers. I dealt with the triggers by running from the situation causing the trigger. I was very unstable. Some situations actually made me feel as if I was in the past. Sexual Trauma suffered as a very young  child is so horrific that it is buried in the mind deeply because the child doesn’t even have words or images to explain what is happening to them. But the suppressed energy has to be brought to the surface and released. Therapy actually educates you on what is going on with the mind and body. It then helps to release those feelings and identify the why’s. Taking the punch out of the past allows for the space to unlearn coping skills that do not serve your highest good. Practicing new skills is the work still to be done to actually thrive. 

After Therapy I wake up every morning Thanking God for my vision finally being manifested. Those on the outside looking in have no idea the years I have persevered. The prayers, the tears and tenacity are what God honors. Faith without works is dead. These blessings are the fruit of never giving up on the vision God gave me for my life. I am able to be humble because God has blessed me to take the pain and turn it into my passion. Now that is how you know it’s your purpose. Me and God have been working on this vision for all of my life. Every trauma, every tear shed during healing and every mile walked to bus stops rain or shine to therapy every week (I rarely missed my session), hot or cold for three years has opened my soul up to healing. #blessed #truestorypoetry #HardWorkPaysOff

#ToGodBeTheGlory #TherapyWorks #FaithWorks #WorkYourFaith