Author: Mozayik "the souls' poet"

The true story told in poetry. I am a Real and Raw Poet and Author of ”The Souls’ Poetry” my soul's true story of its’ journey to healing from the pain of childhood sexual trauma. I blog about my three-year commitment to therapy and what life is like before and after healing. Decreasing the stigma of mental illness, inspiring women to tell their stories, and leading women To and Through Therapy is my mission.

praying (the writer’s need for solitude)

it’s a spiritual thing

I just need to clear my head

of the demons tormenting me

with sounds of past nightmares

and present day real or imagined harm

I am full

ready to pop

don’t want to drop

all my cares at every stop

need to breathe

to see me

I am blinded

by everyone else s importunities

craving aloneness

the only way I know to reach the part of me

that is free and filled with possibility

I just want to be unbound

in my mind is the only sanctuary to hide

until I can cope with difficulties outside of me

to have peace I have to touch the part of GOD that resides inside me

what I  need can’t be found out there

I know it is hard to understand

the only way I know to get what I need

to deal with issues blinding me from what it is I am

silence is golden

solitude is good for the soul

it is a spiritual thing

don’t take it personally

it is all about me

needing

to let God lead me

by Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Best Year Ever

Finally getting back on track. This year has already proven to be the best ever. It started with the amazing Manifest your Vision Event where I created a fantastic Vision Board. I promise you that many things have already come true. Not because the board is magical but because it is in a place in my home where I see it everyday and I am diligently working to make my vision happen.
 
Then I became laser focused on working with my Business Coach. I invested time, money and energy into learning and developing the tools needed to be a successful Business Owner. It is going to take a minute to incorporate all of the knowledge into practice It has already taken me and my business to the next level.
I realized through working with my Coach that I needed to slow down and focus on my health. I am diabetic and my numbers were out of control for various reasons, some not my fault.
 
Ultimately though it is my responsibility to improve the quality of my life. My number are good and I am exercising in the sun everyday. I have lost the extra 10 pounds and my energy levels are improving drastically.
 
Even though I did not sell a lot of #GirlGetYouSomeHelp t-shirts, the experience of getting ready to do business on Shopify and Printful will prove to be beneficial in making a profit in the near future. I was not fully ready to do business but at least I am set up and just need to add the final touches.
 
My visit home to St. Louis was truly life changing when I was able to read The Official Girl Get You Some Help poem among all of my favorite people in St. Louis. I was able to see where I have changed and also the opportunities for improvement within myself and my Business.
#GirlGetYouSomeHelp was taken to a new level. I learned so much and have more clarity on how to be better next time.
 
By the time my friend came to visit me in Phoenix for Pride, I did my best to muster up enthusiasm but I was spent.
Hanging out with friends at the Pride parade and Festival was one of the best times this year.
The very best and most precious times were meeting and spending time with my two new grandsons’. Going to the circus with two of my grandchildren, spending the night at my babygirl’s new home with her, her fiance and children was truly delightful.    All of the family and friends I was blessed to share time with has been a blessing.
 
It is only April and I have no doubt that the rest of this year will stay on trend to be THE BEST YEAR EVER

give me a lover…….

give me a lover that will warm my heart not my bed

she doesn’t want to be led

and a follower

she won’t need me to be

side by side we will walk

heart to heart we will talk

soul to soul making love

this is the lover I dream of

knows when to be strong,

not afraid to show her vulnerability

will even weep with me

this lover will smile while looking into my eyes

will kiss me gently not always reaching for my thighs

she’ll treasure what is inside my mind not how I look

will remember just what it took to get me and will always do it to keep me

this lover knows I’m not looking for a cheap thrill

not looking for her mansion sitting on a hill

knows that all I need is her love that’s true

and for my love anything she will do

she’ll tell me he loves me at least once a day

fearing that if she doesn’t my desire will fade

she’ll care about the little things

like how important a hug can be

she’ll let me know that she respects me

she’ll take the time to remind me just how special I am

and how much she needs me

if this is the kind of lover that you are

then right now I’m wishing on a star

to guide you my way

by “the souls’ poet”

circa 1996

We find each other, the ones that seek love. The price of love is truth.

Mozayik "the souls' poet"'s avatarThe Souls' Poet

There are days when you come face to face with self.  These are usually the hardest days of your life.  In one moment, you will decide what the rest of your life will look like.  There are only two choices.  Choose the path of fear that tells you this is all you will ever be or have, so you might as well get what you can.  You do not believe you deserve anything more and your life will stop.  You will be living a lie.  If your life is a lie then your life is a waste.

The great thing is the other choice is the path to self-love that leads to unconditional love for others because you have it for yourself.  Unconditional does not mean you expect less of yourself.  It really demands that you take responsibility for the choices you have made thus far.  This will empower you to…

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She is the reason I don’t believe in Fairytales. (there were no men in our house)

I am celebrating Bertha Sanders my Great GrandMother on International Women’s Day. She passed when I was eleven and it was devastating because she was my constant protector. She would read from the book of Proverbs and Psalms with me on her lap as we rocked in her rocking chair.
She poured so much love into me in those moments I can actually feel them when I remember. I am positive she is responsible for molding me into a poet.
She taught me how to stand up for myself. She taught me that I could have whatever I want. She would tell her daughter (my grandmother), “Give that girl what she want.”. So, No, has never been an option for me because, well…….. I can hear her telling me, “Ne’sa be a good girl.” My nickname was Nesie but she pronounced it as Ne’sa.
This truly African American woman (her father was an African slave and her mother was indigenous to this place we call America) was a homeowner in the early 70’s. She did not have a husband. That is saying a lot considering her age, ethenticity and the history this country has when it comes to the very ones the colonizors stole from and mudered.
I get my hustle from the two grandmothers that raised me. Hard work was the norm in our house. The motto was if you don’t work you dont eat.
I know I get my will from her. She refused to die in the “white man’s hospital” she said when she passed on she would lie down on the couch, put her feet up and go home. That is exactly how she transitioned.
She exemplified  to me, “You will have whatever you say you will have.”
#InternationalWomensDay #GirlGetYouSomeHelp

I Am My Own Super Shero (she can’t save me anyway)

I Am My Own Super Shero

(she can’t save me anyway)

she aint coming to save me

she can’t fix what she don’t see

her own pain blinds her

I know in this lifetime she won’t be free

I have to take care of me

cause aint nobody coming

and I just need to stay free in my mind

fear of lonely

beckons and taunts

I fight and flee the agony

of realizing that aint nobody coming to get me

so I take a few deep breaths,

fall on my knees

and allow Goddess to minister love

I stay free by keeping the best

and making it better

taking out my trash before it stinks

making sure I am not throwing away important pieces of me

that could someday be used against me.

I will protect me

by saving all this good for the woman that deserves me

by mozayk “the souls’ poet” 6.23.13

From my book SheRomance

Not my blood

Not my blood

March 22, 2011 at 11:18pm
Every one wants something from me
they’ve taken my heart and my soul
control of mind I gave
now they want my blood
weren’t my tears enough
are not my scars
the badge of honor they wear
never did they care about me
they take, they took
and continue to take
but they call me the crook
memories of horror
disgusting memories
embed in my sinew
are the etchings of abuse,
misuse, rejection, oppression
and now they want blood
I gave my dignity
my body offered
as a sacrifice for their love
and they still want my blood
does anybody ever look outside of themselves
into the eyes of hurting souls
I gave years of dedication and devotion
went through poverty, lack and want
put up a front for years
in front of my peers
bent over backward and kissed my own ass
trying to make the charade last
all I got was that’s not enough
give me more they said
give until your grave
will they ever see what’s inside of me
bottled up fears, pain stricken tears
dashed hopes and swallowed up dreams
where is the light at the end of the tunnel
the pie in the sky
gold at the end of the rainbow
darkness before dawn
sun coming out tomorrow
joy in the morning
it won’t be there
if I give you blood
my blood is all I have
and you want that too
after all that I’ve given to you
well kill me if you must
I won’t give it up
gave away too much already
you can’t have my blood
I won’t, I won’t I won’t give up
tired as I am of fighting
keep fighting I must
you can’t have my blood
by mozayik “the souls’ poet”