how do your grieve without being sad
when your tears are all you have
the people who say they love you
have suffered long
their limit is full
healing the mind and repairing the soul
take a lot of tears and screams from your soul
i can only give you my example
for you it may not be ample
but this is my journey
and this how i have chosen
to purge my psyche and make whole my soul
by mozayik “the souls’ poet”
I was feeling kind of sad today for many reasons and beating up on myself about this down mood. I have committed to healing from my childhood trauma so I can’t expect it not to hurt. My best friend told me today that anybody would be angry about what happened.
This all came up while trying to complete my homework given to me by my therapist. I am to write about one incident of rape. I had no ideal it would bring up so much emotion.
I just dont want to be the victim. I dont want to be stuck in the cycle of victim thinking. I survived, but that does not change that fact that I am pissed that I have relive this shit again just to be done with it. It feels like rape all over again.
Unfortunately that is the purpose of therapy. I have to process those emotions that were pressed deep inside me over and over for decades.
Now is when my mind and body have chosen to heal itself and I am grateful. As a child I had no frame of reference to deal with this, but I have all the support that is required to navigate through it, so I know it will be okay.
So the most loving thing I can do for myself today is to be proud of my courage to heal. I am brave enough to move forward towards a more healthy mind, body and spirit. It may not be what others would do, but this is what is needed on my journey. Only I get to decide what road I must travel and in what vehicle. My destination is Whole.