ample example

how do your grieve without being sad

when your tears are all you have

the people who say they love you

have suffered long

their limit is full

healing the mind and repairing the soul

take a lot of tears and screams from your soul

i can only give you my example

for you it may not be ample

but this is my journey

and this how i have chosen

to purge my psyche and make whole my soul

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

I was feeling kind of sad today for many reasons and beating up on myself about this down mood.  I have committed to healing from my childhood trauma so I can’t expect it not to hurt.  My best friend told me today that anybody would be angry about what happened.

This all came up while trying to complete my homework given to me by my therapist.  I am to write about one incident of rape.  I had no ideal it would bring up so much emotion.

I just dont want to be the victim.  I dont want to be stuck in the cycle of victim thinking.  I survived, but that does not change that fact that I am pissed that I have relive this shit again just to be done with it.  It feels like rape all over again.
Unfortunately that is the purpose of therapy.  I have to process those emotions that were pressed deep inside me over and over for decades.

Now is when my mind and body have chosen to heal itself and I am grateful.  As a child I had no frame of reference to deal with this, but I have all the support that is required to navigate through it, so I know it will be okay.
So the most loving thing I can do for myself today is to be proud of my courage to heal.  I am brave enough to move forward towards a more healthy mind, body and spirit.  It may not be what others would do, but this is what is needed on my journey.  Only I get to decide what road I must travel and in what vehicle.  My destination is Whole.

4 thoughts on “ample example

  1. Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a mirror that you could look into that would flash 50 years from now. Your kids have kids in college and life has had it’s ups and downs but it has been a good life. Your tired and your thinking about that rocking chair more and more, as time goes by. You have no thoughts of pain or suffering because when you were a young woman you took a stand and faced your challenges. You took the time for YOU. You valued yourself enough and realized just how much you were worth saving. The benefits beyond yourself are all just frosting on the cake.

    At the very least, make a copy of this document, this declaration of healing and have it put in a non-toxic, acid free environment, something like framing. Hang it up where YOU can see it several times a day. This is private, so don’t put it in the living room or even the kitchen. Wellness and healing compel you to take care and to be caring.
    Congratulations! I won’t say “Good Luck”, as Luck has absolutely nothing to do with it as you know so very well. I love your poetry. How do you want to see your self in 50, 40,20, 5 yrs from now. By the way, as you well know, you can only change what you are doing RIGHT NOW!


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