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Amazing you

you are amazing

i am loving you so much lately 

you have overcome so many obstacles 

you have had to make some hard choices 

you have grieved what was

you are moving forward with new goals

you did not give up

i am proud of you for your tenacity 

you are a strong warrior

you know sometimes the soldier needs help 

just because you took another route

does not make you a failure

it says you are courageous enough to move

toward the unknown 

you had enough faith in god

and belief that your efforts would be rewarded 

you are amazing

when i think of how you have overcame

still to love as you do

………………………..

you are beautiful

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Standing up for Nesie

“We are the protectors of our soul.” ~ mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Mozayik "the souls' poet"'s avatarThe Souls' Poet

I am getting the lesson.  I am waking up to what the universe has been teaching me through the circumstances of my life.  It is okay to say, “You hurt me and it is not okay.”  In the past I was the one that forgave quickly and tried to empathize with the person being abusive to me in some way.
I made excuses for them but quietly resented that they did not automatically know how something said or done had affected me.  I did not hold them accountable by telling them how I felt.  I gave them free reign to disrespect and invalidate my feelings.

I have gone out of my way to advocate and defend the rights of others but when it came to standing up for myself I would give up and give in.  It was as if my feelings did not matter or I somehow deserved to…

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The soul’s voice

I have not posted in a while. The process of self-publishing is long and tedious but so very enjoyable.  I am also planning for my trip to Newark in October to attend the annual Convocation of the Unity Fellowship Church.

I am also having Breast Reduction Surgery soon. I have a lot to share about my relationship to my breasts and how it relates to my childhood sexual trauma.

So much has happened since August of last year.  I will talk about what life is like after therapy and the changes I have experienced in myself now that healing has come.  Some changes are subtle and others are glaringly obvious.

Since this blog started with me trying to finish the book The Souls’ Poetry and I am now nearing the completion it is only fitting that I share the journey.  I will be posting any and every thing happening in my life as it relates to the continuing evolution of my soul and it’s expression.

The Souls’ Poetry is my soul’s voice.  This book is my soul’s gift to the world.

My life’s mission is to lead women to and through therapy.  I want to demystify therapy, help women to identify when and if they need to seek therapy.  My experience can help to show what to expect from therapy, how to choose a therapist and just to give a layman’s point of view about the entire therapy process from beginning to end.

So, let’s go.  Next year this time we will be celebrating.  The Souls’ Poetry will be on bookshelves.  I will have a clear plan for my soul’s spiritual growth. I will be at least 5 bra cup sizes smaller.

Love, Peace and “the souls’ poet” mozayik

Happiness “my #1wordpoem for me”

Mozayik "the souls' poet"'s avatarThe Souls' Poet

Happiness is now, not just a word

it is not a far away place

somewhere in no one’s land

happiness is now, a concept that makes perfect sense

it is attainable and it has always meant

to be the state we live in

from moment to moment

happiness resides now, in my soul

it lives in all the little nooks and crannies

left from all the broken pieces

that have now been glued back together

and the mosaic

is bright,

colorful

trimmed in gold

in the places where trauma left it’s hole

happiness lives and dances in all of my dreams

all of my expectations are of happy everything

I swear I never thought I could exist

in a state of happiness

from moment to moment

I am not going to lie

I have my moments when I remember and I get sad

but I now know

how to not…

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On Mother’s Day

I hear her call. I will answer her question by dedicating my life to finding ways to help mother’s alone with mental illness. Not all mother’s are happy on mother’s day. Please read ******

joykmt's avatarJoy KMT

*TW, Suicide*

I had made my decision a few days before. I don’t remember what the day was like. I remember silence inside of me. only the echoes of my absolute inadequacies as a mother,as a girlfriend, as a woman. My partner was sleeping on the bed next to me. I was careful not to wake her. My children were sleep upstairs. I walked from our basement bedroom to the livingroom. I wrote a note. I took the pills out of their amber containers- there were at least a hundred. My mind was blank, I was on robot mode, with a logic that said that death was the only choice that could release me from the pain of living like this. I took the pills, then I went outside to smoke a Newport Red before I went to go lay on the couch and, hopefully, die.

That was not the…

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Happiness “my #1wordpoem for me”

Happiness is now, not just a word

it is not a far away place

somewhere in no one’s land

happiness is now, a concept that makes perfect sense

it is attainable and it has always meant

to be the state we live in

from moment to moment

happiness resides now, in my soul

it lives in all the little nooks and crannies

left from all the broken pieces

that have now been glued back together

and the mosaic

is bright,

colorful

trimmed in gold

in the places where trauma left it’s hole

happiness lives and dances in all of my dreams

all of my expectations are of happy everything

I swear I never thought I could exist

in a state of happiness

from moment to moment

I am not going to lie

I have my moments when I remember and I get sad

but I now know

how to not let the moments last

I honor my soul’s brave journey

if tears are in order I respectfully cry

but even in the memories I will be alright

cause I know that I now live in the light

this light that I can intentionally share

I am not looking for anything out there

because healing has brought me

to knowing my own worth

I truly love me and am okay with self

it feels wonderful to just be

and breath in peace

knowing that happiness

is always available to me

and now I don’t have drudge through shit

to see that if I live moment to moment

happiness is free

my one word poem for myself mozayik “the souls’ poet”

All I need sometimes is poetry

if it were not for poetry

i would have given up long ago

poetry is the window to my soul

the light in darkness

sanity instead of delusion

poetry allows me to look at self

take my eyes off you

poetry inspires me

sets my soul free

when confused

and i cant stand

to look at your face

and fear keeps me from speaking

and shame and disgrace

cloud my world

poetry inspires me

to set on paper all things ugly

all things deep

so deep if spoken

it would cut

like a sword into your gray matter

and pierce your heart

causing you to want my blood

poetry inspires me

it lets me gather my thoughts

so you and i can remain free

to coexist without war

poetry has taken me far

been my release

if it were not for poetry

i would have thrown myself

on the floor

pulled out my hair

ran naked out my door

screaming

i cant take it no more

poetry inspires me

to drop to my knees

to ask god

for more strength to go on

with my prayer answered

i can go walking

out the door fully clothed

thanking god for strength

mercy and grace once more

all i need is poetry

I am a mother with mental illness.

I could have said I suffer from depression, or that I deal with PTSD on a daily, but those have become acceptable words instead of saying mental illness. Those two words still hold an enormous amount of stigma.

I am changed by my understanding of self.  Self acceptance is a hard-earned virtue when your life started as a land mine where little girls were not safe.

I always knew this blog was inspired by the universes’ agreement with me to heal and help others by telling my story.

My story begins really, with mental illness.  My own, my mothers’ and any woman who knows there really are not a lot of safe havens for her to get the support she needs from family or community.  Depression kills so many every day.  Too many women suffer from mental disorders without help.

My new vision for the rest of my life is to help erase the stigma of mental illness.  If you include motherhood along with the stigma of mental illness it is utterly amazing what some women have been able to accomplish. What about those that did not or could not overcome?  What about those that struggle because of the fear of being judged or called crazy.

I am so very sure now of what I am to do with my book “Life in Poetry” “true story told in poetry”.  I am on purpose. I am excited.

I am open to the universe to be used in any way God sees fit to help mothers with mental illness.   I  have a vision and a plan.  Be on the look out and watch it all unfold.

The reason we wake up on any given day is not for ourselves.  We wake up because God wants to use us in someone’s life.  Even if it is just to pass along a smile that can travel across the world and create a massive wave of positive energy.

I am ready, willing and open to offer this gift to the world.

True Story told in Poetry

I surrender. It is time to create. If I keep telling the same story I will keep attracting that energy. After so much personal change I have grown. Now is the time to Celebrate Triumphantly the innumerable possibilities that pushing through pain to healing has provided.
I perceive my past much differently now, and it no longer has the ability to imprison me. I am now creating and living my authentic life. At first fear of the unknown had me paralyzed. I really have no choice but to blossom. If I don’t move forward I will die not having reaped the benefits of all my hard work. Now is the time of manifestation. Now I get to be living proof.
So, I wont taking down the blog. I am creating another page that will be including poems that tell the true story of this new life. The cycle of survivor is over.

God gave it to me

So I could give to you

This poem is not mine

It is Sara’s and Michelle’s’ and June’s

It belongs to Mamie and Bertha and Cara and you

Marjorie’s sews a song for you in this poem

We all belong to this poem

That god gave to me to give to you

Love is this poem

Built on struggle and knowing how to suffer

Making ways where none could be found

With god’s help our feet hit the ground

Morning and in mourning

Loving us through to dawn

Know the backs this poem was built on

Strong is this poem

God gave to me to give to you

So you would know through our smiles

And humming of the hymns

That with the break of day

A way from no way Is made

This poem that God gave me to give to you

Says if Bertha and Mamie, Cara and Marjorie

Made it over

You can too

by mozayik “the souls’ poet”