You don’t see my agony.
I try and hide it away.
But, what I really need are
hands on my body.
They say don’t feel sorry for yourself.
Well, that does not put the pain away on a shelf.
It keeps coming and coming and I can’t get away
to make it stay, gone.
When I am home alone,
no one here to wipe my tears
and every joint in my body
feels like it has reached its breaking.
What point is it to keep the tears inside?
Although, I want to hide
away in darkness so no one will see
the side effects this shit has on me:
grouchy, mouthy, tired and lacking luster.
My lusciousness stolen by fibromyalgia.
I know pain, and pain knows me well.
I am tying not to make my life a living hell
by complaining and begging for help.
But dam it; I need somebody to put their hands on me
I am not one that can live without the touch of a lover.
Under the cover of my lovers’ touch my pain can’t harm me.
It now becomes sweet relief, just a kiss away.
After our energy exchange, all pain has faded.
I know it is chemistry
but I still want that hold
that touches and rubs under my clothes.
Crying releases endorphins
but they say don’t be a cry baby.
Don’t co-host a party with pity.
Shit the partied already started
without my permission.
I tell you I am on a mission
to find that lover that won’t get tired
of putting her hands on me.
I try to be strong and smile with grace,
telling everybody I am okay,
but as soon as their gone
tears replace smiles,
fears invade joy,
come rushing through the door
looking for more of my goodness to squander.
It might make me wallow.
It might make me sigh.
It might make me wish I could die.
But, after tears something magical happens.
I feel like maybe, I can beat this,
and whether I have a lover or not
this is still my lot.
I chose to cry about it and move myself out of the way,
because I know it will pass and I will remember these days.
I will tell about them to my lover.
She will hug me under the cover of love.
Ugh I wish she would hurry up
by mozayik “the souls’ poet”
- The Wide Spectrum of Fibromyalgia Symptoms by Groshan Fabiola (drbradshook.com)
- Role of Impaired Sleep in Fibromyalgia Pain Explored (cherished79.wordpress.com)