111th post (the demons are dead)

111th post  (the demons are dead)

 

Anybody that knows even the very basic about me knows that 11 is my number. I actually started seeing 11’s everywhere in 2011.  On any clock anywhere I would see 1111 or 111 a.m and p.m. I would see it  on the most random items like what time someone called me or how  long the message was they left on voice mail.  It got to the point it spooked me and I did my due diligence research.  I found out so many interesting facts about the number 11.  According to Numerology I am an 11.

I said all that to say how cool is that?  I sat down to create a new post and happen to notice that this is my 111th post.

I take this as a tap on the shoulder from the Universe that I am on the right path.  I see it as God smiling on me.  I feel connected to the all.  The energetic power to create your version of happiness.  The energy in our soul placed there and filled with desire by God.  Bliss is finding your purpose and fulfilling it.  There is a huge reward for killing your demons in therapy.

My soul chose this path to heal itself.  With that being my belief there is no room for regret.  I follow the urging of my soul.  Some call it intuition or “a gut feeling” or maybe even God speaking.  We cant really explain it but it usually serves our highest good if we follow.

So on today as I reflect on all this blog has allowed me to accomplish it get chills as I realize just how far I have come and that my readers and followers have taken this journey to healing with me.

When I started this blog I could not finish my book because the poetry was so triggering and would cause a decline in my mental health that usually landed me in the hospital.  I look through the archives and see that the journey was long and hard but my perseverance, resilience and passionate commitment to heal lead me through.

Now I am able to share my story without the tears, heartache, triggers and flashbacks.  This is what healing looks like.  I am a success story so that other women can see that if I can do it they can too.  The same God that blessed me and carried me through the worst will do the same for them also.

There were days when the grief was all consuming and it seemed it would never end.  Anger was the river of blood I swam in because it was unfair that the victim had to fix herself.  But as I remember how horrific remembering is I remember how the emotions were devastating because it is reliving it again and sometimes over and over until the feelings don’t dont have the same meaning.  Healing is painful and it takes a lot of courage but the other side is so worth it.

To be able to help other women and men be inspired enough to do the work necessary to be free is my life’s purpose.  I say work because I don’t want to sugar coat it.  It fucking sucks that you have to undo what has been done unto to you.

But when I look at it from a holistic spiritual perspective and believe that there really is a purpose for all of this pain.  There is sunshine after the rain.

Mozayik “the souls’ poet”

Holding on to Happy

Since this post I have learned that this people pleasing behavior is called co-dependency. Girl, get some help so we can stop the bleeding and start the healing process for generations to come.

The Souls' Poetry

Before Therapy I would go into a severe depression when I felt that I had disappointed someone.  Some selfish person would try and guilt trip me into seeing things their way for what ever reason.  I would not speak up. I would dwell on the experience.  I felt bad because they told me I should feel bad.

I would fill my mind with negative thoughts and spiral into a deep depression.  The guilt tripper would not even know the amount of damage or the effect of my self inflicted abuse.  I just could not cope with knowing someone was not pleased with me and go out of my way to either avoid that person or find a way to mend the energy between us.

After therapy I realize the best way to cope is to do what is right for me.  I can deal with the disappointment of others about…

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