I really am tired of crying about this shit.  I want to and I need to move forward.  I have said I will let it go but it will always be a part of me.  I cant let go, letting go implies it is no longer a part of my story.  This is my story and I will tell it as “my” truth.  

The journey of this book has been a whole lot more than a few poems on numbered pages.  This book is my life.  The tracks of tears are written on my heart and my blood beats every word as I plead for healing.  Each letter a desire to be free from the past.  I have stopped running, and hiding behind lovers.  No more denial cloaked with distractions.

I am more than a survivor and I am not my pain.  I am fortunate enough to tell a story of triumph.  I am here.  I am love.  I am me.


Barren Hearts, Fruitful Wombs

sing for the mothers
cry for the mothers
moan for the mothers
with barren hearts and fruitful wombs

spirits broken
leaky souls drained of love
wail their moans
weep for their wounds
who understands their woe
the liquor they swallow
is to dull the pain
their world is a dungeon
filled with heroin or crack cocaine
coursing through their veins

they use to silence terrorist demons
that torment their souls
who will really see
that the men creeping in and out
of their bedroom doors
are only a band-aid for heart aching sores
don’t call them whores or junkies
they’re only a product of this country

striped of ancestral wisdom
culture snatched
when our foremothers were brought
to these so called united shores
they united in striping us
of our dignity, language and families
it’s time to restore
it’s time to look these mothers in the eyes
look at the reality of why they cry

sing for the mothers
cry for the mothers
moan for the mothers
barren hearts fruitful womb

accept them as they are
show them you care
everyone has a reason
why they are what they are
some are only scarred
unable to cope so they take dope
they have no faith
in these so-called united states
they only do what they’ve seen
of course they lie
this country was founded on a lie
they spew out slander, trick and connive
it the only way they know to survive

her foremothers were slaves
and she still has a slave’s mentality
she sacrifices her children for a dollar
or any man giving her a holla
we were brought here
robbed of our heritage
they threw us their garbage
and some of us sucked it up
happily grateful for some sup
it’s time to throw that shit back
let us educate our own

sing for the mothers
cry for the mothers
moan for the mothers
barren hearts fruitful womb

yeah she’s a dirty disease infested
skinny drug addicted alcoholic
wearing a dress of death and gloom
she may have lied, cheated, deserted
and aborted the fruit of her womb
we can still take her in our arms
lovingly accept and educate her
show her she is a descendant of queens
mother to the pharaohs of Egypt

maybe then we’ll see mothers
with fruitful wombs and loving hearts
giving birth to a proud nation
that nurtures their sisters and brothers
maybe then there won’t be
any more killing of ourselves
or our babies dying in the streets
shot down by faces
that look like you and me
who is willing to go
into the spiritual birthing room and labor

sing a song for the mothers
cry for the mothers
moan for the mothers
who are not yet free
in these so-called united states

Surgery for the Psyche

Recovering or healing from trauma is like surgery for the mind. When you are diagnosed with a condition that requires surgery usually, there will be preliminary courses of treatment. Your doctor might suggest a medication and if that does not work the doctor may suggest a course in physical therapy and the last resort is surgery to either remove or repair what is causing the problem.

Even before the diagnosis, there will be a period where you have symptoms that make you take a visit to the doctor’s office. There will be a consultation, some tests are run, and you may even be referred to a specialist who will run even more tests or get a tertiary opinion.

When the surgery is performed, they do not just cut you open. There will be preparation stages up until the day of the surgery. Sometimes the surgery is exploratory or even an emergency but nonetheless it is a serious situation.

An entire team of people along with an entire hospital is supporting you with anything you need from start to finish you are cared for until discharge. You will need follow up care. Your family and friends will support you and assist you with your recovery. Your job may give you time off with pay. You recuperate and slowly get back into the swing of things. You will probably receive cards, flowers, and gifts also many get well wishes. You will have a scar and a memory of the pain but for the most part, you heal and go on with your life.

Now look at the same scenarios but insert your mind.