Pseudo Secrets

I wrote this poem in January, 1999 for the brother we lost to alcoholism.  He was 36. Now 2011 we could lose another brother to alcoholism.  He just turned 37.  They both drank for the same reasons but we pretend it is not happening. We are as Sick as our Secrets and ours are killing us.

finally brother you can rest
in this world you no longer stay
we must accept that god
has taken you away

no longer do you plead for love
from a world grown cold
we did not get to see you grow old
but now you are free
you don’t have to hurt any more

finally brother you can rest
no need to cry or feel blue
one day we will join you
you are now comforted by
your heavenly father’s arms

your soul has taken flight
you are smiling at the sight
of angels welcoming you
into a peaceful rest

finally brother you can rest

Silence is deadly.  I am learning that the secrets we think we are keeping are most times obvious to everyone but ourselves.  We may be silent but our sick secrets are exposed for all to see.  When a man drinks himself to death it is not happenstance. Usually when we drink, eat, drug or sex ourselves to abuse or addiction, it is to ease PAIN.

For the last week or so I have been contemplating why my family continue to pretend everything is okay.  Another brother will be lost if we continue to sweep things under the rug.  I feel so helpless to save him.  I don’t think I can look anyone in the eyes again without saying “we have to stop this shit now”.  I want to ask my mother “How long will you continue to deny the facts?  How many of us have to die?  Free us and tell the truth, please.”

I need to find a way to stop participating.  I am tired of the superficial relationships.  If we are not free to speak our truth in love then it is all a waste of time.  There was a time when all I wanted was revenge.  I was hurting so I wanted the so-called “perpetrators” to hurt with me.  That position did not serve me well and the poison of anger was killing me.  Once I sought my own healing I saw things differently.

My only motive now is to facilitate healing and stop others from being hurt.

Only LOVE can heal us.  I realize that people have reasons why they do the things they do.  The people who hurt us have been harmed by someone and the vicious cycle is repeated over and over because of silence.  I am telling my story.  I refuse to be quiet.

Denying

Everything

And

Truth’s

Hidden